Guilty

This place is my safe haven. I know I make more positive posts lately than negative but now not so much. I have been feeling so guilty lately. The more I’m on here I realize everyone I talk to understands my way of thinking in ba sense since in some way we’re all the same. Depressed. And what have you. For years now I only come back when things are hard. Now I’m on here all the time reading posts and talking in group on discord. I’m so social on here and I always feel like people get me. What I hate lately is that now I start to wish how easy things would be if I wasnt here today. How some days are bad and I don’t care anymore. I have a kid on the way and that feels so selfish that I still sometimes think how great it would be to not be here anymore. So many things have happened and I’m grateful for that the good and the bad but idk lately seems like when I was younger I was more bold to try and die but now I have some sort of fear of killing myself. I don’t fear death Tho and I think that’s still part of my problem..idk