im trapped

March 12th, 2018by thenameisjoy

I’m trapped in this world, I’m trapped in my own mind.
my thoughts are consuming me, the idea of death is consuming me more and more everyday for 2 years.
I’ve been told I’m a burden, a non tolerable friend, lover,& daughter, I’ve been told I’m never good enough, i’ve been asked to kill myself, and I’ve been told im nothing, and I’ve become to believe i actually am.
some people didn’t need to literally say these things to me but their actions spoke for them pretty well.
I just can’t find my purpose, no matter what i do im never good enough, if i cut myself in pieces for people it’s still not enough.
I feel unlovable and desperate.
all i do is think, i can’t think about anything but thoughts to the point where i lost touch with reality, but reality is my biggest fear, reality sucks and scares me.
The thing is i don’t want to die and i don’t want to live, i wanna disappear; i just wish i never existed.
i never liked the idea of life even if its a happy life, i just hate the idea of existing.

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