Recently things have been looking up for me. I said “fuck you” to my anxiety and took a vacation to Japan. I’ve met lots of wonderful and fun people, and have even started seeing someone (casually I guess).
I’ve been motivated to study Japanese, and so I have worked quite diligently, studying over 25 hours in the last two weeks. Which might not seem like much but I’m working part time. In a good way I am reminded of when I was 18 and “going places”. I had an important, influential job (for an 18 year old) and lots of responsibilities. It was so stressful that I burned out for almost 5 years, but that is okay I think, because now I understand myself better.
Despite things going well (or perhaps because of it), I feel more stress and some of that stress is motivating. But sometimes it gets a bit overwhelming and I fall back into a really emotional way of dealing with the world. I start crying and I think to myself, “I should never have tried to XYZ, I should just die, I should just kill myself”.
But despite that, it is starting to get easier to come back from that, to get back to a more normal state more quickly. ?
So after so many years of anguish, it is starting to look up, at least for a while, and I’m okay with that.
4 comments
Slow and steady.
Im happy for you!
Don’t fall victim to your thoughts.
Good for you bro. Not everyone can be afforded the same opportunities unfortunately.
You don’t have to be a victim to a lack of opportunities.
I quit my job and went to Japan with $600 USD for 3 months. Of course not everyone has the same opportunities (marriage, kids, debt, etc). But there are often more opportunities than we like to think.