Nihilism

  March 11th, 2018 by Descartes

I’m soon to be 37, living at home with parents, bipolar, Ivy League masters degree and a bankrupt lonely unemployed failure. I’ve lived a good life, was privileged, lucky and born with good looks and intelligence. Now I’ve crapped out, I’m suicidally depressed and just exhausted by this morass of life. I can’t get out of this black hole no matter the effort but I don’t blame anyone else. At some point I wish society would just leave those of us who are scared to die alone and have decidedly seen the peak of their existence leave this world on their own terms. I’ve gone from panic to terror and now numbness to a life that goes by outside that I’m no longer a part of and haven’t been for awhile.

I hated nihilism, yet I’m now most certainly locked in its grip. I don’t even know why I’m posting here yet feel compelled to. I just want to call it a day and never wake up again – I leave nothing behind; no mortgage, no children and certainly no significant other. I need to save my limited funds up to figure a way to end this correctly, peacefully and finally.

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