So I’ve recently bee told I have borderline personality disorder, which in a way is a relief, not I know I’m not like this purely because I’m irrationally insane, there’s a reasoning behind it. My cat is about to be put down. my best friend/house mate wants to start a relationship and although I want that more than anything, I don’t think we are right for each other, he cant support me emotionally I cant support him, we’ve both been through shit, him so more than I , as he is ex military. my ex, he thought the sun shined out of my ass hole, and treated me like a goddess, but I broke up with him… am I insane? I always push people away, now I’ve found out that’s just part of my mental health disorder, but I wonder if I should have stayed with the guy who worshiped me, and not be with the guy who is emotionally dead and can never see him setting down for a cuddle while watching a film because that’s just not him.
also finals are stressing me out, doesn’t help I live with aforementioned guy, and 4 others who are endlessly annoying. I don’t get any sleep, living in the downstairs room, someone is always up at midnight getting food or playing video games, and the guy living above me stomps about to loudly I wake up as soon as he does. I’m trying hard to keep my self from erupting in a fit of rage.
I also have no were to live next year, at all.
1 comment
With regards to emotional support…
if you can’t see either of you being able to offer it to the other, than yeah maybe staying apart would be better. i could see a lack from him triggering you eventually, or things falling apart. Yeah currently you can only see yourself being with him but given what you said for your own well being staying single would be better for you at this point. but ultimately you know you and him better than i do. just communicate with him about where you stand when you’re comfortable to, there’s no rush.
Being put on a pedestal like you described your ex doing.. personally I wouldn’t like that. respect and understanding of course, but yeah it’s better to be on the ground with another person, y’know? and regardless, for the housemate.. some people are more touchy-feely and some aren’t big on physical contact, and that’s honestly ok, just need communication with the other person and connect in different ways.
Yeah, BPD can put a strain on interpersonal relationships, and cause complications.. but for all that it affects you, that diagnosis doesn’t have to rule your life, it can be managed. mindfulness helps, being aware of your current emotions and the cause and how you react.
Could you run a fan or play music while you sleep? having some background noise could cancel out the effect of everyone else’s and not wake you up when they do. as for rage.. for me i like banging things together (like metal lids or something) and making loud noise when i get like that, it calms me down fairly quickly without doing damage to anything.
and i think you have some time to look around for other housing options. can you get another place the same way you found the current one? or asking around.
maybe you aren’t at ease without the blanket of being suicidal because it’s been a part of you for so long, and it’s familiar. then it goes away and it’s like well what now, what next. just try to focus on what you have on your plate now, which is plenty.