I don’t know how to deal with the stuff in my head. I know it’s wrong, but it feels so right, so essential. I’m so tired of dealing with that contradiction, that conflict. I’ve broken myself, and now I’m too attached to that brokenness to let go of it. I’m such a fucking waste of life. I just want to go back, and do it all differently. Or live in a different reality, where my instincts aren’t so utterly screwed up, and are morally acceptable. But really, it would just be better if someone without a completely twisted mind were here in my place, and I never came into existence. I feel so totally alone, and tired, and sad. From the outside life seems full of such promise, but some minds are just dedicated to screwing things up. It hurts to realize that you’ll never be content, because you can’t let go of the past.