I keep thinking about how my life would end and what other things I’d to prepare for it.
My mind keeps running in circles on whether or not I’d leave a goodbye note or just disappear without telling anyone. I’m afraid they’ll talk me out of and then I’ll have to face them later. I wouldn’t want someone to think they caused it but I want to tell them that they’ve been good to me.
I’d want to die quickly. I keep replaying a gunshot as the way I’d go I can imagine the barrel of the gun against my head and all (as you can tell I’ve never actually held a gun before), but the only real option I have is the train. It’s very close to my house and all I have to do is climb over a fence and through a very small foresty section. I know it works cause someone has done it before. I’m rarely home when it passes but I’ve checked the schedule and it passes around late night on Fridays so I’ll probably do it then. The problem is getting off my lazy ass and out of the house past my parents.