H A P P Y

H A P P Y
happy
H A P P
Y aren’t I
H A P P
Y don’t I want to go outside?
Sunshine used to make me
H A P P
Y does it now sting my creaking mind?
H A P P
Y is my room such a mess if I can’t even get out of bed where I spin dreams of HAHAHA happiness, a heavy heaving chest
I’m so incredibly un
H A P P
Y now I can’t even smile?
Now at least not on the inside
How can my brain spell so well but my body can’t make a smile out of the letters
H A P P
Y am I avoiding my friends?
Staring at texts saying “I miss U” N H A P P
Y is my world out of focus?
I can’t cut through this blurriness
The caffeine makes me nervous and tired X 10
I’m starting to think I deserve this
Yes of course because happiness doesn’t happen without sadness so I must be sad first if I ever want to be
H A P P but Y does it feel like a crushing blow?
This is more than the sadness you and me know
This is emotional absence and the letters keep getting jumbled up in my mind
Y A H P Please teach me how to feel deeply, I want to get out of this rut
Maybe if I work hard enough, distract myself and laugh enough I will finally feel H A P P Y
HAPPY