Since I visited this site. I don’t see any familiar names here and posts aren’t as much as before. Yep, I’m still around but it has been a rough year.
Anyway, once suicidal and now I’m back at it again. I don’t know why, the destructive thoughts just come naturally without provocation. Even though I’ve been taking my meds as prescribed, I am tempted to whip up a cocktail of pills and throw it back.
Then, I receive a text message from my bf, and the destructive thoughts go away for a little while. He has no idea and I don’t know how he would act if I tell him. Sometimes, I want to tell him, but then I see no reason to bring it up.
I’m just weird, I guess.
6 comments
Welcome back. That user name does seem familiar. I get the part about the the temptation to throw back a cocktail.
I am in therapy for suicidal ideation myself and have been three years. Therapy has given me a whole handful of new to me tools for coping with life but I still know the ultimate escape would be nice for me. Just not nice at all for those closest to me.
Lots of things can make the destructive thoughts go away for awhile.
I don’t blame you for not telling your b/f. He is hardly likely to know what to do with such a revelation and if it spooked him off then he would miss out on all your good points that he loves.
Hey There a1! Yeah, your name sounds familiar too. Glad to see you’re still around. I’m in therapy too and just started discussing coping skills to use when those thoughts come back. Coloring seems to relax and distract me lately.
IMHO, you would probably be better off without pills in the long run. I personally feel that not taking medication forces me to deal with the shit life throws at me, which, on some level may be healthy.
I think it’s fair enough that you feel protective about the information that you’re depressed and suicidal. Maybe it would be good to share it with someone else, if you haven’t already. WIth your boyfriend, I would just enjoy having him, and if someday you feel like telling him, you can give that a try. The worst that can happen is he leaves you, and then you’ll know he’s not the guy for you anyway.
Good luck!
Long-time lurker here.
You’re not weird. We’ve all been here. I’m glad your dude is keeping you grounded. He’s a keeper, for sure. Hang in there.
I have a cup of my old prescription, unwrapped from capsule already, lethal dose enough to take whenever but there are precautions you need to take in overdosing that I’m not sure I’ve mastered so I don’t take them. But I was trying to a year ago when I got them ready.
It waits in my closet. But I’d rather die not from an overdose but from a blow