8 – Letter for S

  May 16th, 2018 by soapandwasser

S,

So you asked me why I suddenly cut my hair when early this year maybe I’ve talked about letting it grow.

One of the reasons because I wanted to have the shortest hair I could have in my 20s. So mission accomplished, maybe.

The other being, I haven’t been well. I just couldn’t tell you what’s happened. These few months had been awful and I don’t want to burden you with my break downs more than you’re already buried under layers of assignments. That’s your future, I don’t think I’ll be in it so, priorities.

This year had been a little rough, I did things I never thought I will, like stealing from my savings account, get involved in an accident, had one of my worst break down just a week ago.

I feel like there’s nothing I can control in my life. Not even my own thoughts. I can though, control the length of my hair (or its condition I used to think), and the amount of contact I made with people.

And it’s really bothering to run a comb through and having so many hair fall out at once despite my efforts to keep it strong.

My hair had been falling out a lot, for these few months but I never really think about it cause I barely comb my hair and even if they fall in huge numbers on the floor or on my pillowcase, I can just clean up and pretend there’s nothing there.

As much as I think I look cool (and my friends agreeing so) in this DIY hair cut, I don’t like how it felt like I just forsaken my feminity because I’m tremendously stressed. Oh well. It’s cut anyway, no use regretting it now.

I went so far as to ask my partner if he’d still love me if I chop off my hair. He said it’s fine but deep down I know, it’s still a weird and shallow question to be asked to someone that you guessed more or less love you for what you are. So there’s that.

And I did tell you I had trouble sleeping as of late. But as recent as these 2-3 days, I haven’t had trouble doing so, so it’s all getting good I think.

But I started to have less appetite and it physically affects me when I’m not eating as much as I used to. I don’t feel like it. But I used to skip dinners anyway, I think I’ll be fine despite the hunger.

-the one who irrationally dislikes you despite the fact that I understand why you did what you did

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