Since I’ve joined this site, I have only posted once. Not because I felt like this didn’t help, but because sharing my feelings is like sharing my soul; and I couldn’t bring myself to share anything truly worth sharing. I wish I’d shared some of my thoughts with all of you guys because maybe I wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed right now. I’m “happy.” I guess.
I keep saying those as if one day even I will start believing them. I can’t open up to anyone in fear they will not understand me. My culture does not exactly believe in mental disorders. This all makes everything so unbelievably intimidating that I am scared to challenge anything life throws at me. I have just myself to rely on and it sucks. I want to have a confidant that is there for me and listens to me and all of my problems.
I want to be emotionally strong enough to handle all of these things that come at me and make me question my whole existence. I hate this. I hate everything. I want to go. I can’t. People tell me to be strong, to hang in there, they tell me these are just hormones. But I can’t anymore. I’m just done. I’m done being strong. For once all I want to do is sleep.