I haven’t slept in 2 days. I have been living in my car for the past week waiting for me to work up the courage. I’m such a piece of shit anyway everyone I care about leaves me my fucking friends hate me, the girl I love said she hated being in a relationship with me why do I ruin everything good in my fucking life. I have a loaded shotgun in the back of my seat but im afraid I’ll fuck that up too. I don’t think I’m ready yet. Im not afraid of dying or anything but I’m afraid I’ll fail and end up like those people with half their face hanging off for the rest of my life. Also my mother. It would destroy her I know it would. She doesn’t deserve it she’s the single most best thing in this world but it’s not enough idk what to do I hate being alive
I’m scared. I’m scared if I don’t do it soon I’ll turn myself in and regret it later. Dying is always on my mind. I just wish I could fall asleep and never wake up again.
15 comments
cant you go live with your mother instead of your car?
No she already called the cops on me she knows I’m suicidal I can’t go back to another hospital
Then don’t do or say anything suicidal around her
It’s not that simple I will be in inpatient like last time I’d rather die
Man I’d love to live in a car.. I have a DUI LMFAO…. f*cking it’s the f*cking sh*t man you should try it, everyone is. LMFAO
I’m not driving legal if I get pulled over it’s a wrap
Ya for the sake of your life I hope you dont get pulled over….. but cops are insane and people are crazy
I’d do the same
I haven’t drove in 600 days
I used to live in a car
Basically
Come to my parents house to sleep and that’s all
Now since DUI
Keys have been taken and tossed into dragons dungeon
Maybe aten by an obese couple or a Mormon couple with 6 children
I understand cause she got this god awful funny wagon that’s 6,000$ and she poor and dirty as her old liver
I’m thinking hold off to kill my self so I can buy a 300$ car and leave FOR GOOD. As I had planned years and years and years ago (bout 7) I have already paid 3000$ to the court and…. 1100$ was for the license to get back. You know I can’t finish paying it and I could never afford 476$ a month. I owe 300$ on reinstatement and the insurance of course. I think buy shit car (I don’t even own a car) and leave get the h*ll out of this dirt poor buttf*ck nowhere. They said I could get back in november turns out in November last year as long as I pay 1100$ to reinstate license and 476$/mo. For insurance. So that was “unexpected…..” but I keep wasting the little money I get on trying to do it legally legally legally legally I’m like if I did this legally I would probably die first. Now I have to just wait until I can accomplish my goals of getting car and leaving or dropping everything and packing up to leave on foot or with trucker
That was my initial goal but then I got a slim paying job which I have to share half with ogre it is 50$ a day/ 6 a week – 8 hours shifts…. I get 25$ a day… with that I have paid the 1100$ but still owe like I said 300 and I owe 476 a month for insurance but I just have to get a shit car because that is the ogres anyway so I wouldn’t want to touch it or insure myself on it
Mostly I want to leave because even as I type this a disgusting voice is hovering above me saying “that won’t happen”
I have this ogre I live with all she does is watch how to murder someone and make it look like a suicide on TV and I’m for real it freaks me out
I’m like damn being here makes me seriously want to end my life and I know I would act on it. It has for every moment of my adult and teenage life… So I left, you know, made that plan. now I am forced back here. Always been miserable because I know at the end of the day I have to return to psycho’s sh*t hole where I can’t even breathe air of my own. Anyway shits wackier than ever and it’s all out of my control now I’m
So weak I’ll probably die in my sleep
I did overdose immediatly after receiving DUI but it was NO WHERE near enough to kill me.
I just get sleep paralysis now which sucks but nothing bothers me because I just want to be dead or gone
Don’t know if my energy and life is being sucked out of my body but probably from being stuck here
Last year I walked 1,000 miles on foot because they took my license but I cannot live here with ogres
I have so many people stalking me even one of them hears i left my parents house the whole town would force the cops to find me
I just wish I could be completely alone
They scare the life out of my half-dead soul
I would feel the same if I had a shotgun in my trunk.
I would not want to survive that. But I am afraid to die, and I do recognize that.
Sometimes I’m afraid that if I don’t kill myself soon I will regret it also.
I feel a lot of the same way you do duppy.
How are you afraid to die? are you afraid of the dying process or what happens after? And yeah I kinda know your feelings I’ve read a couple of your posts
I’m in similar situation, even though there might be some options to continue to live. I’m having a hard time with past and moving on. I just know in many ways my quality of life will never improve. I do not have a gun but that would probably be the way to go if I do it. Scary but as long as there is no hope of rescue then hopefully u will bleed to death even if u don’t die instantly.
I kinda have a plan to avoid survival but I’d hate the thought of bleeding out that sounds agonizing and could take way too long that’s why I got a shotgun in the first place. But yeah Ive really struggled moving on from my most recent breakup it was a combination of things that happened like a domino effect and they all just started to really add up
entering the mental hospital as an inpatient is the worst and then they hand you the bill.
I know. The American health care system is the wrost
I’ve lived in South America and I can tell you from experience that the American healthcare system is not the worst, but definitely needs improvement.