I didn’t really know where else to turn at this point. I’ve attempted suicide in the past but haven’t succeeded.
I do have a small will to live but so many things just bring me down. I’m sure many on here already know that feeling when your life is static and you just aren’t happy with your present situation. No boyfriend, no friends, everyone seems to be repelled by me even though I try to be respectful and optimistic. I feel as if I’m just disliked and unwanted. Everything I do is unappreciated. My life is going no where.
I’m a 26 year old still living at home with her parents. I feel like a teenager. I like what I do, career-wise, but I’m so burned out and I need a break. I’m the only massage therapist at my workplace and they hate giving me time off. They book appointments back to back with no break time so I’m in a lot of pain at the end of my shift. I feel like everyone pretends to be nice to me at work but they really can’t stand me.
I have been doing my best and giving my all to find hobbies, stay motivated and positive, and keep my self-esteem up.
But why does it all crumble so easily? Every where I turn I’m constantly reminded how I’m lonely and useless. It just breaks me down. I dont take pills for antidepressants but I have epilepsy so I’m afraid they might not mix well together. I burn incense and meditate. But my happiness is so fleeting.
My mind (inner demons?) constantly tells me I’m unlikable, worthless, that I’d be better off gone. I’m about as attractive as a potato and I’ll never meet a nice guy. I’ll be stuck with my sex-driven ex. I’m a loser compared to my older sister who is a successful music teacher. My family always talks about her but I never hear about my accomplishments (I graduated top of my class as a massage therapist). Yet, I’m getting everyone asking me to rub their frigging back for them. No one bothers to ask how I’m feeling yet I have to listen and pretend to care about everyone else’s problems.
Whenever I talk about myself, people are quick to lose interest, ignore or tune me out. So I have a habit of quickly ending the conversation about me and ask about them. I hate that. Or I have people talk over me while I’m talking. Am I a ghost?
Sorry for the long rant…for anyone bothering to read this. I’d be surprised if anyone is. I guess I just needed a space to get my thoughts out. Nothing is helping anymore and my hobbies are becoming less interesting to me. Talking to my mom helps for a short time. I’ve decided if no improvement shows…no progression is made by July.. maybe I’ll just do it. No matter the method, no matter how painful.
I’ve just had it with my thoughts and this dark void my emotions sink into. I’m sorry.
3 comments
Hi, You feel like a lot of us have felt. In time, like most people, I saw things differently in a larger picture. I can’t tell you what to do, but I hope you don’t let them grind you down. You have intelligence and skills like massage. Maybe you’ll go to work in another place. And eventually meet somebody to replace your ex. You know one day is not the final word–there’s lots of ideas that change from day-to-day. Best wishes.
It sounds like you really need a good partner in life, someone who loves you and appreciates you and your efforts.
Easy to say for sure, difficult to accomplish considering your circumstances, but still worth the effort. I wish I had a magic solution for you, but I’m all out of magical powers.
I got very lucky a few years ago and met a wonderful woman. She’s no beauty and overweight, but still we get along much better than I could have even imagined. Perhaps the right person is sitting at home thinking about someone just like you at this very moment. There’s lots of other people who also need love. Don’t sit around waiting for them to just drop out of the sky. Get out there and find them!
Hi there. You have a strange username.
I relate a lot though. I’m in my 20s, live with my parents, work at my dads low voltage company, have no friends, no girlfriend, study music vigorously hoping to get someone with it, but I don’t know. I feel like my modivation isn’t there anymore. It’s a struggle to live when you’re always alone with no one to talk to. In a job you hate.
I’d message you if SP had that but it doesn’t. So if you ever want to talk to someone, my email is devinbelver@yahoo. (I’d write the whole thing but it’s go into moderation for forever.)
I hope you write again soon. Good luck.