My Last Wish

“Im always wrong, Im still here why …?” Well I’m always right, and feel the same way though quite likely for different reasons. I feel like I should have learned my lesson a long time ago, and yet I keep on expecting things to be different, holding onto hope that I’m wrong about people and the world, being hurt in the same ways over and over again.

Death is a fantasy, idealized non-being. An escape. An end. Closure.

But it’s a choice, just like the choice to not smile. I always felt that pain and sorrow were more real than happiness, because every time I’ve been happy it was a fleeting delusion or distraction. But that doesn’t make it any less valuable. I learned to cherish the positive things because I always knew they would come to an end, and I knew what awaited me once they were gone.

But it’s still a choice. Life is infinite, death is infinite. Even with pain, even with more certainly to come, it’s possible to continue trying and maybe help someone else along the way. There’s always a reason to smile, and there’s always a reason for life. Sometimes you just need to allow yourself to see it.