Nothing Left to Give

  June 13th, 2018 by FailureFather

I’m married and have three kids. I have a moderately well paying job, but I’m hanging by a thread and will be laid off any day.

Even though I bring in fairly good income, because of medical emergencies and flat out stupid financial choices we live in a shitty house. I can’t afford a lot of things for my wife and kids outside of necessities. They are miserable, and it is so hard for me to watch them suffer in this life.

I’ve been trying to find new work, but I come up empty handed. Each failed attempt reinforces that there is no place in this world for someone like me. I have nothing left to give this world.

And it used to be curiously that kept me going, wondering what the next day might bring. I don’t have that anymore, just knowledge that I’m careening towards my next huge embarrassing failure.

I only have one last thing to give my family, and that’s a life insurance payout to get them through the last few years of school. I know me killing myself will be very hard for the family to deal with, but the payout they stand to receive is more than I could every possibly give them while living.

No need to reply, I just wanted to type this out there and see if forming my thoughts into words would help me organize my next steps.

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