I feel it all coming to an end

  July 12th, 2018 by Sziarvie

Hello. This is my first post here.

I’m not going to review my whole life here, but to summarise, I’m in tenth grade, have been fucked by my life for years being gaybashed by my parents and having no real friend.

I was accepted into the highschool I have dreamt for my whole life, but I’m still a tool here doing the group assignments all by myself and failing my exams. I’ve been cutting myself for months, and my parents found it out. But they just worried of people discovering it. They didn’t give me a fuck. I have some “friends” but I cannot talk about my problems to them. I don’t want to bother them. It’s too hard to pretend everything is okay while my life is falling all apart. I never had any relationship: People would freak out when I tell them about my suicidal thoughts.

My past is traumatic, my present is depressing and my future haunts me. I hate myself, and I cannot stop criticising myself. Idiot, drama queen, failure, …

So that’s how it is. And I have searched for a bunch of methods to end myself, but most of the methods I cannot afford and also I’m afraid of failure. I’m afraid of being discovered.

Thank you for reading a long rant, if there’s anyone who did.

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