I no longer want to live. I have no skills, no talents, no real friends, am completely alone most of the time, am low-income, live in a small, crappy apartment, have constant bad luck, my brain is screwed up.. I often can’t sleep, my memory is bad, I have depression and am just sick of life. I want it to end. But I don’t want tp end it myself.
I’ll probably get into it more in another post about why that is, but I wish for death literally every day. It’s my first thought in the morning and my last thought before bed. I am not a believer, so I don’t pray for death.. But I would if prayers actually did anything.
So.. I’m stuck. I almost certainly will end it myself on the near future, but I DESPERATELY want to die without it being my choice. I will NEVER understand why people so full of talent, warmth, friends, potential, etc die young, but losers like me who never had a chance in life just keep living. This is a big reason I don’t believe in a higher power. No loving god would operate like this.
Now don’t get me wrong.. I am a nice person. TOO nice, usually and people take advantage of that. But being nice is about the only positive quality that I have. I’ve always been stupid, worthless, made bad decisions, had bad luck, been unpopular and have wanted to die since I was 24. I’m almost 40 now. I want a terminal illness so bad or to be in a fatal car accident or SOMETHING (preferably as painless as possible) so I can just end this miserable, worthless, pathetically empty and depressing life without having to end it myself.
2 comments
Hey I feel somewhat similar to how you are. I don’t have any talents, little to no friends, and live in a small apartment (also low income). I thought I was doing better mentally but lately things have just been going backwards. I’m bipolar so that doesn’t help.
Same here. You are a nice person and that is one fundamental quality majority of this world lacks. You may not have motivation to live or hope for anything better like most of us here in SP, but hold on. You are not alone. We are there to support each other and lend a shoulder to cry on. <3