No suicide methods or details regarding method will be posted here. I want to share my pre death plan and receive advice & input.
Context & reasoning
I’ve been suicidal even since childhood so I knew it was an eventuality. Now I am an adult with no dependents (other than my pet rats), and I am ready to follow through on my plan.
I know I do lots of good things for others and there are people who want (not need) me in their lives, but I hate being alive. I don’t see the point in living when it only benefits others. I don’t expect anything more from anyone, so I’m not resentful, but it means that people shouldn’t expect me to carry on living if I don’t like it.
Planning for body discovery
So, I’m going to use the exit bag with helium option. However, I don’t want to traumatize whoever finds me. This means I want to make sure it will be a police officer or someone who is prepared to handle it. It will take at least 30 minutes to ensure death, so I can’t exactly call to let them know beforehand. I was thinking scheduling an email to send to my therapist for ~1 hour after I begin, telling her to send police to my apartment. This way they will not be able to save me even with the fastest response rate possible, and they will know what to expect upon opening the door. I was also considering putting a sign outside of my bathroom door (where I’ll die) for good measure. Something simple: “There is a fatally injured person inside here so please do not open if you are not someone equipped to remove a body. Otherwise, call 911.” I will make sure it’ll be on a day when no one is around for at least 8-12 hours which, combined with my posted sign and email, should be enough of a buffer to ensure only a professional sees the crime scene.
Body presentation at the scene
Despite the cause of death being relatively calm (Hypoxia), I’m sure the involuntary struggling of my body and subsequent relaxation of smooth muscle will not leave a clean scene. I will be diligent and fast for 36 hrs beforehand (and be dehydrated for the last 8), and then eat some bread only right before the attempt. Hopefully, this will diminish the risk of vomiting and any amount of waste excreted. I might invest in an adult diaper or something as well but I haven’t decided. I will definitely wear opaque & comfortable clothing and then fasten myself to a dining chair to prevent movement. I will push the back of the chair against a wall then weigh the chair down with bags of books slung over the seat of it (with the books thus resting on the ground) to make it even more resistant to my shaking.
My legs and torso will be easy to restrain but I’m unsure what to do about my arms, since I’ll be using my hands until the end. Maybe I’ll put them on a short lease connected to the chair underside so that they can work the helium tank but won’t be able to remove the bag from my head. Of course this means I have to put my headgear on first then hold my breath until I start the stream of helium & restrain my arms. I will work on this schematic.
Further preparation
I don’t know what else I should do. I don’t really have any loose ends to tie up. I’ll transfer money to my roommate to cover rent for an additional month, and try to pack my stuff secretly so that removing it is easier. I know many people who love my rats, so I’ll just care for the adults until they pass and trust others to handle the babies. I might write some goodbye emails/letters to some people. Something like “I care about you & I’m sorry I won’t be there for you in the future.” I don’t want to disclose my reasons or just complain in writing, because that won’t matter anymore when I’m gone.
Should I write a letter to immediate family members who I have a complicated relationship with? Obviously I can’t resolve everything in a letter (nor do I want to), but I’m not sure if saying nothing is better than a short “yes we had a complicated relationship but I still wouldn’t wish that my death hurt you & I’m sorry I will not be around anymore.” Honestly, I don’t want my last words to be hurtful, but I’m definitely not sorry I’m never going to see them again. However, telling them the latter would only hurt their feelings so I should probably lie. It’s funny that, even in death, I’m still bound to being polite. Still, I’m definitely going to cause some negative reactions by dying, so I may as well be nice.
Conclusion
What are your thoughts on this preparation plan? Anything I forgot to address? Remember, I cannot discuss my actual suicide method here so please assume that it will work.
Thank you for your time.
4 comments
Sounds good. But are you sure you will die before they arrive. I’d possibly not call or you will be saved. I like the note idea but maybe you could switch it up and leave for roommate who is not going to be home for 6 or more hours…. say something like you said but say “call police to handle my body do not enter” as well.. I think there is possibility you will be revived if the police show in 20-30 minutes which is the probability they can/will be there that quick. I’d never call the police before doing because police are wack if they find you in an attempt then you get all the goodies that come along with that.
You seem like a person who care for everyone around you so much. I am maybe at the same place, I only live to benefit my family. Even before I die, I will make sure I do enough for them. But, I want my rest forever in exchange.
I’m planing similar method. But, I will pay for my cremation service, so my family dont have to deal with what to do to my dead body(They live in another country). And, yes I will make my apartment nice, minimal and clean as I can. My phones, my laptop, all the secret things, I will destroy them completely before I commit suicide.
For letter to family, I think for me, i ‘ll just say something nice and short. I agree, we dont need to write and complain anything.
But I dont think I am gonna sit in a chair. I want to look like I was sleeping and covered with my blanket.
When do you plan to do it? Hope its not so soon and you find some happiness before you leave. My plan could be 1 years or a little more because I need to do few important things. But anytime from now on, I will live the way want as much as I could. Even right now, I feel more carefree. I never feel this way before.
Sounds good enough for me. Though, if were you, I’d die somewhere far away from home.
Bye