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To Whom It May Concern

by bec1998

I feel nothing but pain. The smile on my face is fake. The happy, carefree woman who was a mascot two consecutive years in high school, who sang for small crowds, who wished for world peace when she was younger, who wanted to be beautiful, has died. There is only a broken, tearful, world-weary woman in excruciating pain. A woman who spends her days crying. Who spends her nights crying. Who can’t take the pain.

I feel like I’m a burden to people, and I want to free them from their burden. I make everyone else sad because I have crippling depression, and I’ve had it since I was in elementary school. I cry harder each day and I’m never able to feel happiness.

No one has done anything wrong. But I have. Breathing the same air as human beings. I’m so tired. I find it hard to get up at all now.

I’m 20 and I feel three times my age. I’m tired and in constant pain. Crying is more common nowadays than laughter. If I die tonight, I’ll be happier than I’ve felt in years. Please don’t cry because I’m gone.

I love you all.

With love, Blair

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4 comments

TiredStoic 7/30/2018 - 5:21 pm

I’m sorry that you’re in so much pain. I know it must feel unbearable more times then not, but keep on trying. We can’t do anything other then try day in and day out. This website is a community where we get to vent and say what’s really on our minds with out worrying about someone trying to commit us. There’s a connection that we all share here an unsung bond because we are all suicidal. So although it may feel as if you are all alone, you aren’t

Rainwatch 7/31/2018 - 9:44 am

The post above hit the nail on the head, we’re all suicidal here so there is a bond of sorts, I hope you can hold on

bec1998 7/31/2018 - 3:55 pm

It’s getting harder for me to hold on but I’m trying.

lostallhope123 9/16/2018 - 12:46 am

That’s how exactly I feel. I cry and cry every night. I hardly manage to put on a fake smile and people around me say I’m a happy soul. But these days I’m not able to hold it in, I start crying whenever I get a lonely moment at work or run to washroom to cry out my sadness. How much I cry also, pain seems to only increase. When I reach night, I sit and cry until I can’t breath and lose strength to cry anymore. This pain seems to have no end. I’m tired of explaining how I feel to my bf, no one can understand my depression truly. All he does is advice me and blame me as the reason for my sadness. I’m waiting to leave this world. only death can erase this pain.

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