I feel nothing but pain. The smile on my face is fake. The happy, carefree woman who was a mascot two consecutive years in high school, who sang for small crowds, who wished for world peace when she was younger, who wanted to be beautiful, has died. There is only a broken, tearful, world-weary woman in excruciating pain. A woman who spends her days crying. Who spends her nights crying. Who can’t take the pain.
I feel like I’m a burden to people, and I want to free them from their burden. I make everyone else sad because I have crippling depression, and I’ve had it since I was in elementary school. I cry harder each day and I’m never able to feel happiness.
No one has done anything wrong. But I have. Breathing the same air as human beings. I’m so tired. I find it hard to get up at all now.
I’m 20 and I feel three times my age. I’m tired and in constant pain. Crying is more common nowadays than laughter. If I die tonight, I’ll be happier than I’ve felt in years. Please don’t cry because I’m gone.
I love you all.
With love, Blair