Iv’e seen people here that have been living like this for 5 years, 10 years, 15, 20… how do you do it? It’s been one year for me and I already feel completely crushed and near the point of breaking. How are you still here after all this time? What do you do? My brain can’t even imagine what it would be like to live like this for 5 years.
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I think I can answer for everyone who has stewed in suicidal depression for 10+ years, even though no one will admit it. I will. I don’t have what it takes to kill myself. People come on here threatening suicide for months, years, without doing it. At a certain point you just have to accept that you don’t have what it takes. It’s a bitter fact to swallow, but it’s the only other way to move past this. As the saying goes, you either sht or get off the pot.
There is a secret. The first 3 years are comfortably numb but as you progress depression deepens to the point where not even suicide will help you. Suicides happen when there is an absence of thoughts and for me, it’s my brain that works more than needed and so Iam still here. This lifelong illness is similar to death. It becomes so normal thinking of death that doing it becomes a formality , something that feels like it won’t make any difference.
I smoke weed everyday. It doesn´t cure my problems but it atleast numbs the depression. I´ve been like this for “only” bout 3 years tho. Will it continue to “work”? I dont know.
I hoped for a long time that things would get better.. Yet they never do. I also don’t want to hurt anyone by suiciding, although 99% of the people I know (including my family) don’t care about me at all. I keep wishing and hoping for a death that is outside of my control. I keep being disappointed that it doesn’t happen. Life is cruel.
Love.
I feel like I don’t want to hurt the ones who love me.
And that has made me stay since 1979.
I can’t say that I’m happy about it.
It’s just how it is.
It’s easier to kill time, than to kill oneself.
Over the years I’ve rescued a lot of animals, helped a lot of people, given to and raised a bunch for different charities.
There are times that are positive. Being ruthlessly honest with one’s self-evaluation shows that it’s not all darkness, though it can seem that way sometimes.
What I guess my sleepy brain is trying to say is that finding a purpose, even if it is not your life’s mission, can alleviate some of the suffering in the world. That’s a good thing, even if you go home feeling like your help wasn’t enough, you have to admit it better than no help.
I agree @sweetquietus My volunteer work kept me going for quite some time.
1 month (almost to the day) After last failed attempt, my niece died (diabetic complications)
My sister asked me for assurance that I would not die by my own hands (if nothing else, I’m good to my word) because she couldn’t lose me too. I gave her my word. I continue because I won’t break her heart or my assurances.
It’s a constant struggle of harming yourself and pitying yourself.
I don’t really have one, I just find things to distract myself with and either don’t know how to die or can’t bring myself to or even find a good time but sometimes I just really want to…
nothin’. I’m just here…….