My greatest dream since a young girl has been to shoot myself to death. Not to be morbid or offensive, but as truthful as really my greatest dream! I aimed to shoot myself at 18 because that is when it is legal to purchase guns, no way around, although I tried to find ways. I realistically would have been ready to commit at 14 or 15. At first I thought to shoot myself in the heart for death, but did some research and soon realized the consensus was through the mouth brainstem for a foolproof death with a high success rate. But I definitely did not plan to live past 18. I hoped to shoot myself the day of my 18th but I gave myself a few days leeway, I planned to be long gone, a few days after my 18th. Its a bummer mostly. Mostly, I didn’t have the money to make the purchase with never saving. I sold all my things I thought how hard could it be to get 300$. It ended up being very difficult. I only had 120$ after selling everything. Today I am 24. I am still dreaming of my suicide and opening my mind to other ways to accomplish my dream of dying and not living to see one more day. It seems impossible but as being my one true dream, I know I will be able to accomplish shortly. I don’t know, it seems a simple enough dream. One gun, one bullet….. I want to commit but I always dreamed of gunshot… I do not know if I should just commit with something more in arms reach or wait many more hours to get my dream?
My dream has been to be beautiful – in and out. That won’t happen. I’m way too flawed – look at my never fading scars.
On the other hand, I’d just…like to have not just a bunch of casual acquaintances, but a real friend. Just one.
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My greatest dream since a young girl has been to shoot myself to death. Not to be morbid or offensive, but as truthful as really my greatest dream! I aimed to shoot myself at 18 because that is when it is legal to purchase guns, no way around, although I tried to find ways. I realistically would have been ready to commit at 14 or 15. At first I thought to shoot myself in the heart for death, but did some research and soon realized the consensus was through the mouth brainstem for a foolproof death with a high success rate. But I definitely did not plan to live past 18. I hoped to shoot myself the day of my 18th but I gave myself a few days leeway, I planned to be long gone, a few days after my 18th. Its a bummer mostly. Mostly, I didn’t have the money to make the purchase with never saving. I sold all my things I thought how hard could it be to get 300$. It ended up being very difficult. I only had 120$ after selling everything. Today I am 24. I am still dreaming of my suicide and opening my mind to other ways to accomplish my dream of dying and not living to see one more day. It seems impossible but as being my one true dream, I know I will be able to accomplish shortly. I don’t know, it seems a simple enough dream. One gun, one bullet….. I want to commit but I always dreamed of gunshot… I do not know if I should just commit with something more in arms reach or wait many more hours to get my dream?
I’ve always just wanted a good, normal life like most people get… But that has never happened.
And I know now that it never will.
My dream has been to be beautiful – in and out. That won’t happen. I’m way too flawed – look at my never fading scars.
On the other hand, I’d just…like to have not just a bunch of casual acquaintances, but a real friend. Just one.