I usually don’t post much detail but it has gotten to the point of where I have to make a decision.DOCTORS don’t understand,they just want to medicate me hospitalize me (been in plenty) I have attended group therapy programs, which are useless to me. I am actually in one now but that was so my doctor didn’t try to petition me. I have done individual therapy which makes me feel even even worse afterwards. I have been on hundreds of medications and they don’t work. I even tried ECT. It didn’t work and I ended up in a hospital right after my sessions. These have been my options. I suffer from severe anxiety, depression, and probably have PTSD.
Doctors and therapists always ask me if I have a “plan” to back up my suicidal thoughts. I hate that question and always say no. But sometimes I do but I don’t want to be locked up again.
Suicidal thoughts go through my head constantly. I don’t have any lethal weapons besides my car and sometimes I just sit in it and cry. I have the freedom to drive off a cliff or go someplace and jump.
I have family that cares but it seems like I push them away because I don’t want the help. What can they do to make this hell go away? Everyone has different opinions and I cant seem to make my own decisions anymore.
I am starting to think of fail safe plans which scare me. I don’t really know what to do anymore.
2 comments
i don’t see why they even bother asking if you have a plan. How could someone go through feeling so shit all the time for so long and not think about the exit? How could they not have thought it through and made some plan?
I used to hate that plan question too. I think it makes a liar or else a patient out of many of us. While we are in pain I figure we all have a plan unless we don’t have an acceptable means available to us.
The pros think they care, and many do, but I think some of them mostly want a chance to exercise power over another human being and they know that if they keep asking about plans they will get some yeses and that can in turn lead to more expensive hospital stays, job security for all of them, along with perhaps a nice commission on drug sales for some.
Only once did I ever slip with what amounted to a yes to that question and was seconds from bolting out the office when the fast thinking therapist sorted through the matter and decided I was not a risk.