today’s the day that i have come to the conclusion that everything in life is fucking pointless. things that i love i now found a way to hate them.
i saw a dead dog on the road and immediately thought, “this is why i hate animals”. of course i don’t really hate animals but fuck. when i saw that collar around it’s limp neck, i saw children crying over their lost beloved pet. my pets will probably die before i do and i fucking hate them for it. i love them so much.
when i realized my dad was slowly dying, i found a tiny piece of hate for him in my soul. “you’re my best friend, how could you let yourself die. why won’t you fucking eat?”
i’m turning into a hateful person.
i know i don’t actually hate animals or my dad but i’m so frustrated.
there’s no point in having a family. something bad WILL happen. you will either have to die and leave your kids depressed, or your kid might fucking die and you’ll have to be the one to put him at rest.
i found the meaning of life. the meaning of life is to be hurt. to lose. to cry.
and we’re told to look on the bright side.
i don’t see a bright side because i’m blinded with all the fucking death.
no matter what goes on in your life, no matter how great you think your life is right now, it will inevitably get fucked up somehow just like it did the last time you were happy.
fuck life.
3 comments
Anger and sorrow don’t mix well in life’s blender. Throw it down, eh?
Yeah, when you break life down to all its tragedies and then add them up again, it does seem harsh. I’m sorry about your Dad.
As for pets. I have learned a beautiful and sad lesson from them. But to distill it down to one little treasure of knowledge. I believe that the depth of affection and love gained from a loyal intuitive companion is a fair trade for the sadness of losing them.
I hope I was able to help you in some small way, mousie.
The end goal of life is death….
I try to enjoy the fleeting moments of pleasure and joy though, even though they often are rare. I am aware of the fact that everything I ever care about is temporary and will eventually die/go away…. It does make it a little bit hard to try to have friends and pets and everything but I have found that just going in with that understanding and simulating losing the person/thing often can really help the actual loss feel more relieving than anything else…. It’s like finally being done with a chore. And it makes the slow wait for death pass by a little bit easier in my experience to have “friends” pets make the best friends…. And friends are always replaceable, just like how you’d get new batteries when they die…. Sorry if that sounds insensitive but meh -_-
I do hope that you do okay though.