I am writing this hoping that it will touch someone going through a hard time. I have struggled with chronic depression for a little over 10 years now. From self-inflicting harm to suicide attempts, I have had my fair share of ups and downs.
I also suffer from fibromyalgia, and those who can relate know how terrible it is. For a long time I would come home from work and/or school crying because I was in so much pain all the time. My grades were being affected, my social life was being affected, and more importantly my mental state was being affected. I finally decided to seek help to see what was wrong. After blood tests, MRI’s, and multiple trips to the doctor they found nothing wrong with me and what doctor would believe that a 22 year old would have fibromyalgia? I was given some meds to help with the body aches and the headaches that I would have 24/7 and after about 2 weeks…. I still felt the same. I became depressed, so depressed that I was to the point of giving up. I knew that I would not feel the pain I was feeling every day if I were dead. I knew the meds that I was given would do the job if I took enough.
I could feel myself leaving my body that night, I knew I was so close to dying but something inside of me didn’t want to leave this Earth. When I woke up that morning, although sick to my stomach and very disoriented, I knew I was meant to be here. I know I have a purpose in this life and I am going to fulfill it.
Not too long after my attempt, I got myself on a diet. I exercised more. I got out and did the things I enjoyed more. I started to love my job and became more social. I started to feel so much better.
I learned that with mental illness you do not need medication to help yourself feel better, you just need to do the things that make you happy. Trust me, I know its hard and I still have trouble with it most days, but I know that it gets better.
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