I don’t know that I can wait death out. I thought that if I wasn’t good enough or strong enough to take my own life that maybe I could just live life and wait it out because death comes eventually and what does it matter if I die now or in thirty years. It’s all the same bullshit. I don’t know if I have the patience required for this plan. My heart is heavy today with the weight of things unsaid. Once more I’m tired. But I don’t know what to do because I know I’ll just fail once more unless i do something inconsiderate that would cause more trauma.