i’m not happy, i’m not myself. i don’t even know who am i. i don’t feel anything or want anything; anger, sadness, happiness, jealousy… anything. it’s just like i’m empty, and i’ve come to this point that i don’t even care what happens with me. i don’t even long for feelings, i don’t even want to die. i’m literally dead inside. i don’t know what to do… i don’t know how to open up to people cause i don’t want them to worry about me… and i have bad experience with people’s reactions, i mean that they don’t take it seriously (a few of my friends, i didn’t involve my parents in it), they just answer like: yes, i feel the same sometimes or this is just a phase or don’t worry it’ll get better… but to someone who struggled with depression before you can’t say it’ll pass…. in a way i’m scared that my depression is coming back, and i don’t want to be alone, i mean i know i’m not, but it feels like it. my parents are always there for me, and they are really the best, but i just can’t open up… i have a lot on my mind but somehow it doesn’t matter cause i don’t feel anything, i really don’t know how to explain it… i think a lot about it and everything, but it doesn’t affect me, like it’s not me thinking, but another person, and I’m the one that doesn’t feel… i don’t even know how to continue this post, i feel like i have a lot to say but don’t know how to express it.
i feel like i’m slowly letting go.
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2 comments
you are not alone.
Been there. I lied to my mother my all teen-age hood but now I kind of regret it because I only got worse and worse. My mom loves me but she isn’t the kind that shows it very much. Anyways I got this empty feelings like my very existence is pointless and my world is colorless and tasteless as opposed to the seemingly bright lives of my friends. The friends I have now are so great they really try to understand my depression and they don’t judge but I use to have not so patient and not so opened friends so I guess you should definitely try to talk to your parents instead, it will probably sadden then to hear you are not well but remember depression is a ticking bomb so you really don’t want to wait until it is to late u’d hurt them even more.