I killed myself today. 4 times to be exact. Different every time, but still dying.
It feels like im being sucked into a big black hole where light is non-existing. People I trust the most and need the most, I can feel them drifting away from me. Maybe its because of me, who knows.
Im so tired of being alone. I have nobody to talk to because I feel like i sound like a whimpy pathetic loser, or im bothering them. Like ‘there she goes again, complaining and whining like always’. Everything I do, just walking feels like a marathon. My body aches, i feel like a zombie. My appetite is basically gone. I have no idea what i am supposed to do, and i feel like its time i get some help or advice or just something on how to go on because honestly, im giving up,
3 comments
Sounds like an impossible day. Sending you love, even though I know that it hardly helps really. Just wanted to let you know, I’m out here and I’ve read your post and can relate often days. Medication and therapy have helped me a good amount but these feelings of hopelessness are just a part of my life now, something I have to ride out because I know that once I get past it I can get shit done and do more stuff and take care of people I love and sometimes even allow myself to be loved. I’m just rambling now so I’m sorry but hope you find some peace out here.
Hey nothingbutblueskies
If you are alone and have nobody to talk to, it may sound silly but here you are telling how you feel, obviously because it’s easier when you know others read it. Yeah, I also had that feeling of loneliness and will probably have it again now when the college starts, but for now depression isn’t that intense ‘cos at least I have friends on the internet, yeah it helps. This app called Bottle, give it a try, there are all kinds of people there, just wait until somebody reads your bottle, accept it and make your day with chat. (Yeah you are a girl so there is a lot of male perverts probably, but there are some very nice people there, just be honest and open yourself to them).
I know this is one very odd comment but just stating my opinion, try online chatting with strangers, not all of them are perverted pigs
I can really relate to feeling like a wimpy pathetic loser. I am weak and a agreeable man without anything useful about me. I am very non assertive and a pushover. Whenever I try to converse I feel I am just a annoying pick who wastes others time without being contributing in any way. A weak man like me has no right to exist. I am just a filthy parasite who ends up depleting resources that would better be used for someone who was more deserving of it. Millions of people work hard for their lives and a shit stain like me should just kill himself.