Until you kill yourself no one really cares. You can tell your family, friends, lover how mentally tired you are. They can see the dull look in your eyes. They invite you places and pick up on the fact you’ve been hiding out in your room in your free time. You can tell them how hard school is and how stressed you are and how you wish you didn’t even go to college. They see your self harm scars from years ago that you managed to hide for so long. You try ranting to them about how emotionally unstable you’ve been and how stuck you are and how you don’t know what to do. You can make jokes about killing yourself all the time. You don’t talk highly about yourself in fact you’re really hard on yourself and they observe this. Some of them even ignore you when deep down you really needed someone in that moment because they’re not even thinking about how that’s effecting you. And if you’re really close with them some of your inner thoughts might have even slipped up in front of them. No one tries to talk to you. No one reaches out to make sure you’re okay even though, because the fact no one ever asks you, you’ve probably asked one of them if they’re okay themselves. You literally can be screaming I’M NOT OKAY with the words you say and your actions and your appearance but they don’t care. They don’t bother to ask or check in. They only care once you’ve plummeted so bad that you actually killed yourself.
9 comments
Sad but true.
People would rather be around fake happiness than actual thoughts and feelings. I have lost people I thought were friends because of this.
Just one more reason I want out.
I’ll be so glad to talk with you , I just know how it feels when others ignore you when you need them more than ever,
if you feel you like to talk with someone you can mail me ,it’s my mail address:
neeeeeeeeeeew@gmail.com
I think people just want to go up. People dont want anything in their lives or minds that is down, dark or depressing…so they may be sad that you’re in the state you’re in but they probably don’t understand it…because they haven’t experienced it themselves….sure everyone is sad….but to be sad day after day…week after week….year after year….to have been sad and falling since you were still developing….to have never been a normal person or known normal happiness or contentment….they don’t understand that….they just see another human with faults and undesirable things they don’t want in their lives….even when you actually do die they will move on and continue trying to better themselves….that is the most crushing aspect of it all…..that i can’t even blame them for it….why would you involve yourself with a person who is so steeped in darkness and has been for so long and seems like they will be continuously….
People only ‘pretend’ to care about others for their own benefit.
I hate to say this, but other people are not obligated to make sure you’re okay. It took me a long time to figure that out for myself. Most people are wrapped up in making sure that they are okay. Or that your younger brother is okay. Or they have the best insurance for the money. Or the right outfit.
I think the exact same thing.
Almost three years ago, I was planning on killing myself on my fourteenth birthday. I spent so much time being fixated on the date, planning my method and deciding where I wanted my parents to find my lifeless body, leaving all my journals somewhere my parents can find them if they need some insight about how this came to be since they did not (and still do not) care when I was at my worst. I strolled around seeming happier than ever. Smiling more, talking more, being more alive before the big bang.
But my friend beat me to it. Nine days before my birthday, I find out that she had attempted. With Tylenol, but my thoughts were not advanced yet to understand how ineffective that would be. I cried and hated myself for being selfish.
And the best part? Despite being her friend, despite being part of her friend group, despite contemplating to kill myself just a few days later, I was the ONLY one of my entire friend group who was not offered counseling from my school.
I put on a brave face, went to class like a good girl, and they slipped right past me.
I still think about it when I put needles in my skin late at night.
Just my story though. I guess you must be a better person than I am, am I hope that you find someone that is worthy of you, your time, your trust, and your care.
-arius
good old school counseling. I got called in cause there was a rumor about eating disorders with a few people I was associated with. I basically confessed how shitty I felt, I didn’t admit I was totally in on this eating disorder stuff but I made to very clear I was not okay as a kid in middle school. Did nothing. Told my parents I was depressed when I was 13 and that I wasn’t suicidal but I had thoughts about harming myself ( actually was already self harming and suicidal) and they met with a therapist without me for the first time and talked to the therapist about me and the therapist said she didn’t need to see me because I didn’t sound depressed. It sounds like you may be a year or two younger than me and I just advise you to reach out for help. A school counselor, parents to get a therapist, contacting local mental health places, anything. I’m in college right now and my biggest regret was not fighting hard enough get the treatment I need and as someone commented on one of my posts in the past they said college is a high price to pay just for you to realize you cant do your best in college being severely depressed. Im realizing this is very true. ( even if you don’t plan on going to college I still recommend it) Also you sound like a good person who probably just need someone or some type of help. Hope things work out for you
Hi again
Well the sad truth is when people are happy they want to stay happy and not diminish their joy by caring about others’ pain, sorrow..
Only when a person is sad, alone, or know how is it to feel that way (in most cases, there are exceptions of course), only they would really care about you, about your misery.
Just open yourself freely and you will find there a person who will care about you for yourself, not just for your body.
I also told you my story and now I found that person in my country, online, friendly at first (too early to want anything more and to reason for that), and my days are a lot brighter for the last week maybe. We will also meet live.
What I want to say, the ones who have been through misfortune, they will listen you and care about you the most. And you will find those people, you just have to look for them 🙂
It’s like Schroedinger’s Suicide. Do they care or not? You can only know after you’re dead, and once you’re dead, you can’t know.