To Dad

  September 30th, 2018 by holdingonbyathread

Dear Dad,

This is hard for me to sit down and write to tell you how I’m feeling. You know that I think you’re an amazing, smart, creative guy and I wish you all the best. But there’s something I need to say, something I need to get off my chest.

You have always been a man of high standards, expecting and wanting the best for me and from me. I probably would feel like that if I had kids. But Dad, you need to realise that I’m not put on this earth just to fulfill your expectations and live exactly how you want me to.

What I’m trying to say is I’m not a mini you. We don’t share the exact same ideals about life, and there may come a time in the future where I want to be in an open relationship, or stay out late at night with friends. I am nearly 20 now, and part of growing up is learning to make my own decisions. Another part of growing up for me is living by my own plan for my life.

I love you so, so much, and I hope that you can still love me back and be here for me. Even though we are taking different paths, I hope that through them, somehow, though we are further apart we can become closer. This is scary for me too, because for so long I defined myself by and through you, and who I was to you. I am this whole other person now, and it is like dying inside and becoming enlightened at the same time.

I wish you would talk to me. I wish that you could feel comfortable talking to me like you do to all my brothers and sisters. I wish you would hold me, tell me you still love me, that you accept me no matter what. But realistically I know that probably won’t happen. But I wish you all the happiness in the world regardless. I’m so sorry if you hate me because of who I really am, and I’m sorry I haven’t been honest with you about how I really feel.

Anyway, I guess that’s all I need to say for now.

Love,

Your daughter (or am I?)

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