Im broken z

When we were young i was a kid. I was stupid. I didnt realize how awsome you were. I know when we had the abortions it killed you inside. What i never told you is i also lost a part of myself. It wasnt your faul i was broken. I was in pieces before you came back. I was gonna end it then you came back. Gave me a beutiful baby girl to raise. And the next few year were the best of my life.

It was never easy. Those years with you were rough enough. We were young and not ready but at the same.time our.love overcame unachivable challenges. I was happy with you. We struggled and neither one of us was grown enough to know bettet. Im sorry things were so rough. But we made it.

Despite your and mine trying to split us apart. Despite them having trown cps and the cops on us and try to get our kids take away. But we were stong toghter. We maid it. We got out and got our own little home.

My issues followed me. And i started to break after all we had been through.I was full of fear. Worry. Anxiety.i was scared. Things were so hard. All i needed you was to reasure me. To hold me. To stand by me. We would have made it if you had tried. It would have been the final break through we needed.

But when i needed you the most you abandoned me. Took from me.everytbing we.worked togjtwr so hard for.

You put me in the cold and took my kids.i needed you. I was scared and hurt. But showing you this made you furious. You attacked me for my pain.

Then i was diagnosed with cancer. I spend all summer alone in the island. With no one to help me. I gradually became more and more ill.

Hurt and alone, i lost the little i had worked so hard for. I had grinded hard to work past being sick and make enough to give you for the kids first and then get on my feet.only to end up with mothing alone in the street again.

Im scared. I hate being awake. My heart beats fast all the time. I know theres nothing left. No one to call me and check on me. No one to be glad to see me after work. No one to laugh and cry with. No one to lay next to. Just the empty back sit of my suv in the cold as i wither away.

You arent here like you said ud always be. Your busy with your new job at the bank. Your new boyfriend.

Too busy to care im done for.

You dont care. You left me to die alone.

No one to say i love u too. To hold hands with. To make love to, to talk to. No one to share everything with and raise our kids with.

I will die alone. Withered away without a soul to hold me as i slip away.

The sicker i get the closer i get. I dont.wanna suffer.anymore. it hurt so much. I dont wanna go out like a dog in the curve. I dont want it to be a pathetic ending.

Im gonna take my life z.

I cant do it anymore. I cant move on. Time has frozen still. I have gone numb.

It what i want. To go out on my terms.

I wish youd give me a last few days.

to be yours again and hold you one more time. To be a family once again before i go. Id love to have my last wish so i can slip away in peace. With a smile and a thank you in my face.

But you wont.

And ill die crying and alone. Hurting like hell till the end comes.

Soon i will have something to leave the kids behind and i can finally rest.

God z…….

I love you. And im sorry.

I just cant do it anymore