Divergence

How… how can two diametric, incompatible, closed systems exist in a contingent union between each other? Two independent systems that operate under distinct sets of law, where each respective set of laws undermines the logic and purpose of the other? It’s a simple paradox, a backwards apparatus that cannot function. And it does not. Inside there are two separate individuals each with their own desires, aspirations, united only through a common body and an ultimate ambition. Both each striving, fighting, clawing for what they want, hindered by the permanent integration and the constant subversion by the other. And the result of this is that neither entity satisfies its need and the amalgamated organism does not function either. One of them desires that which is awful, dreadful, despicable – but absolutely essential to its particular end. The other… what it wants will sacrifice what the other wants… neither can fulfill its necessary prerequisites and so nothing is accomplished… this breeds anger. Inconsolable, senseless, primal rage. Their desires are mutually exclusive. What can “I” (The united body) possibly do? I’m not a good person yet I want what only a good person is worthy of having… I’ve laid the stones for that very thing and yet I cannot have it, I simply cannot – because I desire the ultimate ambition far more. But it breaks me up inside to know that it is impossible. Denial, that is what the mind uses to cope. The disregard of logic. Cognitive dissonance. What a joke… a writhing, primitive creature that wants nothing more than to strive and attain cannot do so because of the faulty design of its composition… while most creatures are denied based on the random, cruel, external forces of circumstance I am prohibited based purely on anatomy! How loathsome, how ironic, how maddening….