So, I have been feeling a bit better for a couple days now. I have the energy to at least write down the things that I need to do to climb out of that deep ditch that I dug myself in. And I definitely need to start by getting rid of my addictions. I have tried it many times before and relapsed, but I just need to keep trying until I hopefully overcome it.
I am addicted to weed, porn and PC games (league of legends). Out of these 3 I feel like porn is by far the most psychologically damaging to me so I am focusing on it first. (I couldnt really quit all 3 simultaneously since these are really all my life is about at this point). I just decided that I dont wanna watch porn or masturbate ever again. Im currently on maybe like day 5 and I have really intense cravings sometimes (And right now, thats the reason im writing this, to keep myself busy I guess…I hope it will stop eventually). I have created a note-pad document on my desktop and I wrote there everything porn is doing to me and why I wanna quit and I look at it every time I have cravings.
I will probably never quit weed entirely. Not because of withdrawls or anything but I simply just really love it so much. But I wanna eventually reduce it to maybe like weekends only or something like that. Weed is sort of a tricky substance (its not weed, its me, I know) paradoxically because its not really harmful in some obvious way. I have first smoked when I was 16 and smoking daily since 17 (am 19 now) and no one would really notice. And thats where the danger is. It is really so easy to keep telling myself that its OK and I dont have any problem but it really is not the case. But as I said, I am focusing on the porn thing now so I will just smoke as much as I want until I successfully get rid or my porn habit, then I will try to reduce weed. So ye, right now Im gonna rip some giantass bong so cheers guys. (well, that was awkward but Im gonna leave it there coz why not)
Its funny, I tried so many drugs, even “harder” ones like cocaine or ecstasy that everyone is demonizing and I still do them sometimes but I never got addicted to these things. Its just a social thing once a month or something I just go out snort some coke, have fun and thats it. I never have cravings, withdrawls or anything. I feel like this society completely misunderstands what addiction is. It is not the substance that causes it… It is something else. Something deeper in your head that needs a fix and the drug is just that: An effective but short lasting “fix” of your problem, not the problem itself.
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BTW if anyone else here is struggling with any form of addiction I think it would be great if we like tried to get sober together (as weird as it sounds). I think its really helpful when you have someone other to do it with you and take it as a challenge or something like that (as stupid as it sounds). Because I think it is generally easier to cheat on yourself then to cheat on other people (at least for me).
There’s a great bit of software to block yourself from using porn (or other addictive web stuff) called pluckeye. Once it’s set up right it’s very secure, but also quite flexible – so you can’t remove it without a cool off period if you get a sudden craving. There’s also a solution to block smartphones (though that’s more complicated.) There’s a whole list of activities you can try to do instead when you get a craving, though personally I never found anything that made the feeling go away for long. There’s whole communities built around this stuff online – nofap etc.
Best of luck (I’d be happy to give further details on blocking methods if you need.)
Thanks, I was also thinking about using some kind of blocker like that but the thing is I dont really wanna treat myself like a child. I wanna believe in myself and my ability to withstand it. I always want the answer to the question: “Why are you not watching porn right now?” be something like “coz I decided not to beacause it does harm to me” rather then “coz there is this stupid barrier that I put up before so I could control myself coz I couldnt really do it otherwise”. I think that would help reduce the cravings too since I would crave it even more if I knew I couldnt get it right now. IDK Im not any kind of psychology expert but its just my intuition and Im gonna stick with it.
Hey, if you can do it on willpower alone, that’s great. If at some point you find you can’t, but still feel it’s harming you, the options always there.
Personal opinion the idea behind abstaining from pornography makes little to no difference. It is quite largely based around pseudo science, and loosely gathered claims. I believe it isalmost entirely just placebo. As well i see the NoFap movement similiar to a cult like group with cult like ideas. If youre not jerking off for yourself, good for you. But dont beat yourself up over it. Once i dropped those ideas i do as i please and i dont myself affected either way. In fact i was harder upon myself when i believed their stupid ideas. I mean that, or this entire post is entirely subjective, because Lexapro takes away my libido LOL.
I know about NoFap. Yes they are crazy but I believe the core message is right. I believe it fks me up psychologically. (it really may not be that big of a deal for other people idk.) The point is I would beat myself up over it anyway even if I tried my hardest to not. Also the thing that its kinda hard to quit is telling me that something isnt really right about it.
Yea understandable, but also keep in mind hormones and all types of natural stuff that just makes males wanna fuck lol. Its in our genes to be horny bastards. Maybe a little joke, but if you really wanna quit take some lexapro or another SSRI lol.
Fk hormones and all natural stuff. If it really is in my genes to fk and its necessary for me then I would be able to actually do it rather than jack off to some other people fking and then feel like a total creep and loser. BTW I think that females are even greater “horny bastards” :). At least some of em. Couple girls from my class told me that they couldnt go one week without having sex (seriously). Maybe its coz they cant jack off so effectively? 😀 IDK
I don’t have any addictions other than suicide, I’m sure I’ll be addicted until I succeed in killing myself. Can’t wait for the day!
Sex and sexual activity I just find it meh and pointless these days. Although I can’t resist a cute girl so forget it.