I cant live like this anymore. I am paralyzed by fear and crippled by depression. All I do is suffer in school then sleep all day or get high on weed and lose time on games or youtube. I am just a fking joke. I have to stay, I just fking have to. My sisters are too young I cant fk their lives up just coz of my pathetic inability to cope. I am so fking creepy and I am just 19 years old I cant imagine what will it be like 10 years from now. I am killing myself when I turn 30. I cant live in such shame. I just want someone that isnt blood related to me to care… But I am just paralyzed by social fear. Its so fking pathetic. All the time I feel like I am about to start crying but the tears just never come, I havent cried for years.