Being killed isn’t the same as committing suicide. Chances are it’ll be very painful and a slow death unless they use a gun and shoot you in the right places to kill you quickly.
While occasionally I’m pretty suicidal, I have a goals/plans I want to fulfill first and see if my life gets better and probably keep living into old age. If life doesn’t get better than I’ll end it.
But I want to end it on my own terms, not by some crazed murderer.
I suppose instinct would kick in and I’d do what I could to save myself. I like to think that somewhere in all the chaos and panic I’d realize that “Here’s a good opportunity to let things end!” and not struggle, but it’s difficult to predict what exactly would happen.
SuicidalThoughtsButRefuseToKillMyself12/29/2018 - 11:27 am
If someone did it stealthily than I would say no if someone snuck up behind me with a shotgun and shot me behind the skull the answer would be no I wouldn’t have known either way if I saw it coming than yes of course it would be terrifying unless they were giving me the option to die out of mercy then no.
I don’t have to wonder, I’ve been there a few times in the past decade.
The first time was at an inpatient psychiatric facility I was working at. I was pulling an overnight on the acute ward with the most severe cases. I had the duty to walk the hall, there was a lady in the ward’s office doing filing, and the only RN on duty in the entire hospital off the hall I was walking. When I came on shift they told me there was a psychotic patient asleep in the quiet room and that he had been sleeping all day. They said if he woke up to notify the nurse to knock him back out.
About two hours in he woke up. He wanted to stay up and get food (not possible at night, no staff in kitchen and no access to any patient food supplies.) When we started trying to redirect him he flew into a rage. The nurse locked herself in and the other tech went to find help. I put the kid who was about a six inches taller than me (so 6’8) into a hold. He was dragging me around (wasn’t a lightweight then and still am not.) He kept saying all the horrible things he would do to me, various mutilations. The nurse finally showed up with an order to confine him and give him some meds. It was unclear what would come next.
I went outside and called my dad. I told him about the situation, still fuming because this wasn’t my regular shift. I took it as a favor to our staff director. The problem is that legally I had to finish my shift. So in the end I told my dad I was going back in. If something happened again I told him to expect a call from the hospital or the jail, because one of us was going to each. That’s how determined I was. Neither happened, the kid passed out and I never took that shift again.
The second time I was attacked by a rabid dog while doing some field tech work. I attacked back and scared the thing off. When I got to the coffee shop an hour later I told my tale and got a free coffee.
Every time someone tries to kill me I try to get rid of them. My policy is that I would only let someone kill me if I thought they could do a complete and effective job. Both times someone tried to kill me they were an amateur about it, they wouldn’t have finished the job. I don’t want to live an invalid. I still don’t know how I would react exactly faced with certain death. Probably with determination. My policy is that if someone really set out to kill me they would do it. No one has taken me up on that offer.
My best friend and I have a joke that we’re going to kill each other. Sometimes I tease her that she’s trying to kill me, I doubt she ever actually would though.
7 comments
Being killed isn’t the same as committing suicide. Chances are it’ll be very painful and a slow death unless they use a gun and shoot you in the right places to kill you quickly.
While occasionally I’m pretty suicidal, I have a goals/plans I want to fulfill first and see if my life gets better and probably keep living into old age. If life doesn’t get better than I’ll end it.
But I want to end it on my own terms, not by some crazed murderer.
I suppose instinct would kick in and I’d do what I could to save myself. I like to think that somewhere in all the chaos and panic I’d realize that “Here’s a good opportunity to let things end!” and not struggle, but it’s difficult to predict what exactly would happen.
I’ll probably tried to kill them right back. And it would probably scare me.
Why ?
@once is very right.
“somewhere in all the chaos and panic I’d realize that ‘Here’s a good opportunity to let things end!” he is right about that part
If someone did it stealthily than I would say no if someone snuck up behind me with a shotgun and shot me behind the skull the answer would be no I wouldn’t have known either way if I saw it coming than yes of course it would be terrifying unless they were giving me the option to die out of mercy then no.
I would tell him to kill me as quickly as possible and make sure that I am dead.
I don’t have to wonder, I’ve been there a few times in the past decade.
The first time was at an inpatient psychiatric facility I was working at. I was pulling an overnight on the acute ward with the most severe cases. I had the duty to walk the hall, there was a lady in the ward’s office doing filing, and the only RN on duty in the entire hospital off the hall I was walking. When I came on shift they told me there was a psychotic patient asleep in the quiet room and that he had been sleeping all day. They said if he woke up to notify the nurse to knock him back out.
About two hours in he woke up. He wanted to stay up and get food (not possible at night, no staff in kitchen and no access to any patient food supplies.) When we started trying to redirect him he flew into a rage. The nurse locked herself in and the other tech went to find help. I put the kid who was about a six inches taller than me (so 6’8) into a hold. He was dragging me around (wasn’t a lightweight then and still am not.) He kept saying all the horrible things he would do to me, various mutilations. The nurse finally showed up with an order to confine him and give him some meds. It was unclear what would come next.
I went outside and called my dad. I told him about the situation, still fuming because this wasn’t my regular shift. I took it as a favor to our staff director. The problem is that legally I had to finish my shift. So in the end I told my dad I was going back in. If something happened again I told him to expect a call from the hospital or the jail, because one of us was going to each. That’s how determined I was. Neither happened, the kid passed out and I never took that shift again.
The second time I was attacked by a rabid dog while doing some field tech work. I attacked back and scared the thing off. When I got to the coffee shop an hour later I told my tale and got a free coffee.
Every time someone tries to kill me I try to get rid of them. My policy is that I would only let someone kill me if I thought they could do a complete and effective job. Both times someone tried to kill me they were an amateur about it, they wouldn’t have finished the job. I don’t want to live an invalid. I still don’t know how I would react exactly faced with certain death. Probably with determination. My policy is that if someone really set out to kill me they would do it. No one has taken me up on that offer.
My best friend and I have a joke that we’re going to kill each other. Sometimes I tease her that she’s trying to kill me, I doubt she ever actually would though.