My last post was February, 2014. And it was hopeful. And I have a lot to update since then but in the meantime I want it to be said that life does not get better, and it is impossible to escape. I’m back here to try to at least document my inevitable mental collapse. So many new mistakes. Things never got better for me .They never will.
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I feel you. I thought I was gonna be okay too. My last hiatus was in January 2018. Obviously, I’m now back here as I’m writing this. I posted back on Nov 2018 where things kinda went downhill again for me. I don’t know if I’ll ever get out or escape from this.
BTW are you male or female. I want to escape to a monastery so bad so that at least I can escape all my troubles. So instead of being a shut-in at home, I’d rather be a shut-in inside a church instead of wasting away at the house doing nothing.
I would love nothing more than to do the same as you @black-holez. How do we find such a place away from society?
There is a monastery close by where I live but the only thing preventing me from joining as of now is my gf of 13 years. I’m torn between staying and leaving her as joining the order would mean I would have to let go of her. 13 years of being together and it ends up to nothing eats also at my heart.
Maybe there’s one near you perhaps. I don’t know if joining Benedictine orders is for you but it doesn’t hurt to try.
I was stupid enough to think that things will get better for me as well. I have learned my lesson and planning to kill myself in 30 days