I’m sure there are many people out there that are in the same boat as I am to a certain degree, but for me what I think about myself and my body are true. Every day I look in the mirror and see a fat, ugly and worthless person staring back at me. I want so so much to become skinnier and to actually change but I can’t do it. I can’t commit to anything and it is really affecting me negatively. I study VCE health and am taught that a factor of mental health and wellbeing is positive self esteem. I have every right to not have positive self esteem, and if you looked like I do then so would you. I may be told that I’m gorgeous by my friends but I know it is just them being nice to me or they are clearly not talking about the same me that I am. I was told that I am average weight for my age but that isn’t true. Yes, I am what a “normal” weight would be classed as, but I am definitely not average when everyone around me is skinny and fit. It’s coming to summer and all I go to are non-popular beaches if I even get enough courage to go at all. I can’t live on looking the way I do and there is no way to stop me from being so fat. I know that I need to lose weight but there is no safe way to do so fast, and no way that my stubborn self can stick to. I need help…
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There’s no helping you. You’re lost cause if you think other people lining up to make you feel better. I’m not being mean, but what you need is to wake up a little and realize that if you don’t try to make yourself what you wanna be, it’ll never happen. I don’t like people who have a “fat” mentality, because they are best friends to their excuses. I was fat as a kid and for part of my teen years, terrible at sports and couldn’t even talk to girls (I’m a guy). But at some point life hit me, and took me on the ride of my life to hell and back and i realized no one will ever help me but me. You gotta get off that high horse of self-sympathy or whatever tool you use to help you sleep at night.
Here are the real reasons why you should lose weight. First rule DO NOT DO IT TO GET RESPECT FROM PEOPLE. I understand this coz i realized if people don’t call you fat, they’ll find something else to ruin your life. So lose weight because
1. it is healthy and allows you to live an active life doing what you want to do
2. it reduces your chances of getting chronic diseases like diabetes or heart disease
3. it allows you to live longer
4. it feels good to have a sense of purpose; when you start working out and you do it for a long time it give you a “workout high” meaning you start feeling good when you workout. And that means you’ll love what you do and you won’t to worry about whether or not you’re losing or gaining weight
So just take a moment and realize no one is going to help you. Words are just words. All the best.
That’s all very well, but you have no idea whether OP actually IS fat. By the sounds of it, not necessarily. Could be suffering from BDD.
It sounds like you’ve been on a rollercoaster of a ride through your youth and im sorry to hear that, I hope that I end up helping myself the way it sounds like you did. And I liked what you said for reason number 4.
If your weight is considered normal for your age, your friends tell you you look fine, and you express self-loathing and a desire to be “skinny” – to me that sounds like Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I watched a documentary on it recently. There was this rather attractive young woman (whose boyfriend was the handsome lead singer of a band), and she spent all her time worrying about her looks. She thought she was incredibly ugly. It was super weird to witness. She literally couldn’t see what she looked like – what she saw was a complete distortion of that. Apparently, that is true for all sufferers of BDD: None of them are ugly. But they can’t see it.
Being “skinny” is a really dumb goal. There is nothing objectively useful or attractive about being skinny. It is simply a body size that the fashion industry has been promoting for ages. Many of those models have eating disorders. I used to know a gorgeous former model. She was a total beauty, and I would describe her as “slim”, but she had quit modelling because they weren’t satisfied with her weight. Insane.
Your only goal should be being healthy and happy.
Also: Self-esteem is actually not something people who work in psychology advocate anymore. The whole self-esteem movement turned out to be a dud and quite unhelpful. What they recommend instead (which actually DOES improve people’s lives) is self-compassion. I.e. treating yourself as you would treat someone you care about.
Good luck.
Thanks for this, and ive never heard of BDD until now. Maybe I will look into it but honestly I do just think everyone sees someone different to me or they just lie to me.