I don’t know if anyone can relate: I don’t feel like I deserve to be unhappy.
My biggest issue with being depressed is not feeling like I deserve to feel these feelings. I just got done with 4 months of highly productive therapy, we dealt with a lot of my anxiety, my self image and my relationship issues. It seems like, I should be happy. Or at least I should be content, but here I am.
I don’t feel like I belong, and I know that’s a symptom. Noticing that there’s a lot of self referencing…. sorry about that. It’s an issue that needs resolving, because frankly the only person who can resolve the self issues is this person, himself. It’s just tired of being tired, tired of having issues that defy resolution.
What even is the deal?! How can a problem present in a certain way, fit the description/diagnosis, respond to the solution and then adapt and re-emerge stronger? It’s not reasonable for anyone to solve problems like that, yet that’s the expectation for dealing with depression.
It’s okay. The heater is warming up the house, it’s about to start storming and I’ll stay inside and enjoy the warmth. There’s apple cider, tea and coffee. This is the process of coping: assess the assets and try to gather enough to offset the liabilities(the things that take from my life). It looks like there’s more that needs to be gathered, because feeling better is a ways off yet.
4 comments
I know how you feel. Aside from a few very small things there’s not much I’d actually like to change about my life. The problem I have is I can’t let go of the past. I can’t forget my mistakes. I can’t forget how I was treated by people I considered friends and family. But really…I have no reason to have depression anymore yet I watch it get worse day by day.
I can understand. A lot of my depression comes from me knowing i could go out and do things to help myself. But refusing to do anything other than the usual stuff depressed people do. I dont feel like i deserve to be depressed because i know i could fix my own situation. Or maybe i cant, and its just the depression debilitating me.. Who knows.
Having come across several of your posts, my impression of you is that you’re too smart for your own good. I don’t mean to sound pompous, but I can kind of relate. I would guess whiskered-fish could too.
The problem is that you risk becoming kind of an armchair general – I know that’s what has happened to me. I will spend days thinking through my problems to come up with a solution, a new battle plan, but then when I finally battle-test it, it always fails miserably. Back to the drawing board.
Meanwhile, others just stay on the battlefield all the time without giving it much thought. At least, that is my impression.
Dude, I just went on another website (not naming names), and you’re DEFINITELY too smart for your own good. People there are total airheads, but they’re so-called “normal” people who go the designated route and are in relationships etc. It’s really rather extraordinary how dumb AF it is possible to be and do PERFECTLY fine in this world if you’re just sufficiently extraverted and low in neuroticism.