It’s weird waking up like this, waking up and hoping for a heart attack, or a car accident on the way to work….
Last night I was at the point of hating life, trust breached and hope betrayed, another chapter of that story that I’ve been getting from everyone I try to believe in since I was 8 years old.
Christmas is supposed to be about hope…. I just see the black depth of depravity of humanity, and it’s beautiful. People are dying, pain everywhere, everyone looking for a little comfort, a little relief… there’s no relief, and hope is the biggest source of pain there is.
I don’t know that I’m going to do anything about it, but I’m in a dark place right now and don’t know the way out…. not sure I want to get out if they’re just going to screw up again. I don’t see the value in being nice to people when they’re all so… pointless.
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I’ve been trying to commit for 12 years but I have no gun and I can no longer drive to die the way I’ve wished in the woods far from town..
Great song by megadeth…