I have an application on my phone called the Luna Diary. That is where I write what I’m feeling today, but it’s not like any ordinary diaries where you will read what happened today and the extraordinary revelations that happened in the current time. What I actually write in there are my suicide notes from every time I am having an episode. Similar to today, I am currently experiencing one while writing this description. Since my phone is broken, I’ll just have to make this as my temporary Luna app. I guess no one will even take notice to this anyway. (There is an audio file below, might as well play it for additional atmosphere.)
Here is an example of a suicide note given to the hospital by myself. This was on the 26th of November 2016. The email was dead anyway so no one was able to read the note. So I’ll just share it here. Here goes:
The hospital makes me wonder why I make it as my comfort zone. I have been in that hospital since I was small because of my asthma. More like I’m still asthmatic, but here’s the main point. I am very suicidal these nights, I have already visited a psychiatrist there, her name is Dr Violeta. Yes, she consulted me some pieces of advice, even gave me an anti-depressant, but it was no help at all. I have this Doctor since I was young, I consider her as a family, even her secretary, Emmy. The doctor, Dr Rhodora, is like family to me. She was there all the time, of course, she is a doctor, but I have this feeling that I feel very comfortable when I am in the hospital.