That’s exactly me right now. I’ve been fighting off the desire to commit for about 2 years. I could commit right now and it would take, eh, 90 minutes. But I have a tiny bit of hope that maybe I can have a better future even though in the last two years everything has turned to sh*t. I was doing ok for a while and then it all became as bad as it was when I first started feeling suicidal.. actually worse, but if I can get through all my criminal charges and finish my time, maybe I can afford a new car, leave town, start fresh. I just don’t know because things have gotten so terrible