It’s ridiculous how much of every day I spend feeling like this. Every few minutes a reminder of how unsatisfactory and unacceptable my life is. How completely screwed I am. That there’s no hope for me. And yet still, apparently, I just don’t want out bad enough. You’d think I would have numbed myself to all of life’s disappointments by now. But I guess I’m too attached to my own suffering to let go. Constantly subconsciously scanning for reminders of what I want but can’t have. The problem is me – my brain, my self, my personality. I do this to myself, because I don’t know how to stop.
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Exactly. I’d rather commit than stay on earth but I can’t bring myself to do it…..
My life is also to quote your post ” unsatisfactory and unacceptable”. I see a tremendous similarity in your posts and my own train of thought. At the moment at the suggestion of someone I trust I’m attempting to get back into ” the real world”. If this is even possible I don’t know yet , maybe it’s too late but I have to give it a go. This person is a family member who has swore to me that it’s possible, still I remain doubtful. Thanks for the Krusty clip, I chuckled!
I wish you the best with that effort. I may summon up my own attempt to do likewise at some point, though I don’t think it worthwhile for me to invest too much energy or stress in the process anymore. I think as much as possible, I’ll try to retain a sense of pragmatic pessimism – doing what I can do simply, pursuing ‘easy wins’, but without really hoping that it will ever get me to the point where things are ‘ok’. ‘Do what you can, accept what you must’ kinda thing.