I was sexually assaulted. By someone I thought I loved. By someone I held dear. By someone I cared about. I was forced down onto their bed. I was groped and rubbed when I didn’t give consent. I was forced to “return the favor”, per their words. Mental and sexual abuse from this person for a short time scared me. They threatened to leave me at any little thing I did or didn’t do. The worst part is, they don’t look like a person who’d do that. They don’t look like a person who would harm someone else. They look innocent, and they weren’t. I was sexually assaulted, and I have to face that person almost every single day, and it kills me. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up.
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There is no look for people who do this, and one is statistically more likely to be abused by someone they now, family, friends… that is even more true if you were abused as a child.
What confuses me with your post is that you talk about a person and then you use “they”. Are there more than one person abusing you?
I was also abused, manipulated and raped but thank God this guy is my Mom’s ex so I don’t have to see him again. He never paid though, and I never did anything against him so I still have a lot going on in my head, violent flashbacks, hallucinations even… in a way this monster never left.
Are you safe now? Because you don’t have to keep living with your abusers if you’re not. And you shouldn’t. You deserve better than them
It was a He. I’m with a better person now, just seeing them in social situations makes me shut down.
If you were sexually assaulted by this person, you should consider pressing charges. It’s even worse if he has authority over you in some way.
Not sure I quite understand why you’re living with this individual and that you’re worried they’d leave you. Why live with someone that is abusing you unless you’re somehow trapped in the relationship.
Either way, if I was in your position, I’d report him to the authorities and then seek out therapy for myself.
I have to face this person in public situations. I’m with a better person now, I’m just scared. Hearing their voice and seeing them makes me shut down in a way I can’t understand. I just don’t want to do anything but curl up in a ball and be alone.
The entire reason I mentioned their looks was because I’m afraid that people won’t believe me if I tell them. I don’t want to be the “whiny ex trying to start shit.”
You’re not alone
I’ve been sexually assaulted surprisingly a lot in the last 5 years – I would estimate I was sexually assaulted around the ballpark of 150 times in 4 years. Some are worse than others, some times it is rape, other times it is just sexual eavesdropping or creeping.
It’s just strange that they have chosen me to sexually assault as I have no friends/ family/ mates/ children/ possessions/ money & belongings. I can’t see any reason for the sexual assault other than it might be because I am ONLY sexually and romantically attracted to woman yet I am also a woman. Maybe that is unusual and these type of people that enjoy sexual abuse towards me have failed to understand the concept of homosexuality. Usually I am sexually assaulted and raped by men but sometimes it is by woman with husbands or boyfriends. Maybe they hate homosexuals, even the ones they don’t even know ..
After being raped on one occasion I actually gave away a bulk of all the belongings I owned, all of my brand new musical equipment and my collection of vinyl.
I wasn’t used to being raped then, I guess I am now. Doesn’t mean I enjoy it. I am mostly left perplexed and confused wondering what sort of lunatic has been trying to follow me and put themselves in my life by way of sexual force.