I want to die. There, I said it. Am I gonna do anything about it? Nope. I want to die. But I’m not going to attempt again so I’m back and forth with wanting to live and wanting to just give up. Not that I could care.
I’ve did some terrible things during the months that I were gone from this site, that if I think about them; I’ll start self-harming again so I’m trying not to think about any.
I’m sad. And I want to just give up being alive. Oh well.
I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. And to be honest, having to accept that; at first it feels like being punished with death sentence without knowing the final date. I say that because I know I’m capable of killing myself in that state. The impulse, the overwhelming emotions can lead me to the edge. That’s why, this feels like, I’m on a death row, set by my own self.
It’s hard though. To die when you’ve felt so much.
I don’t want to let go of this life. I’m just really sad right now. But this will pass.
I too will pass.
4 comments
I can relate you saying BPD is a death sentence. The terrible stigma that comes with the diagnosis certainly doesnt help with coping. I was given the same diagnosis years ago.
It is a GIFT to feel so deeply, in spite of it being burdensome at times we have the advantage of seeing others for who they are with great ease.
If you want to chat, let me know. 🙂
Hi. Yeah. Let’s talk.
I want to know how you live with this because when I look it up online, I just find all the terrible things. It made knowing it feel awful.
It’s a day-by-day thing but I can try to be of help .
Email anytime. Put your username in subject.so I know its you. Mortal.12345@hotmail.com
Email me anytime. mortal.12345 at hotmail.com