Cutting again and again

Idk why I am posting. It’s not even really suicide related nor do I plan to.

i found this website out after trying to find tools to cut with more since I was getting bored with it (as sick as it sounds…) and found this website. Originally, I thought it was a dead website since the look of it looked like it was stuck in 2010 as well as the only post I saw dating to 2013. However, I saw the recent posts dating back to an hour. All my life I struggled with my identity, depression, anxiety as well as now my cutting addiction just wanting to end it all since I wasn’t “normal.” However, it’s amazing a community of open suicidal people can talk about their instances as well as thoughts without judgement and more over to help one another.

My life has been just an illusion. When I lost both of my parents, I realized this “perfect family” and my “perfect friends” were fake and just out to use me to their benefits.

So many times have I thought that if I have died I could have saved the lives of the ones I have lived somehow. That somehow the people I could have saved could have survived with my death.

I know how Ian Curtis felt when he said he did not want to live past his 20s.