idk what to do anymore. it seems like life isn’t really for me. i feel like im such an incompetent being and i can’t pass my parents’ expectations. ive been one of those biggest disappointments in their life and all i could do is continue being a depressed shit towards them. i feel like i don’t deserve to have them and they deserve a better life without me and a better daughter that could make them happy and proud.
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What do you think your parents expectation of you are? I don’t care much about my parents but I do know they expect me to not commit suicide but honestly I’ve been trying to cut ties with them for many years so I can commit suicide. I guess I can only cut ties with them if I live on the street last time I tried to be homeless they put me in the psych hospital instead
my parents don’t really say anything that they expecr me to be “someone” but i know they are. they always compare me to those other kids in the block, or worse, they’d compare me to their past selves which make me think that “ah i just wish someone was in my place. someone better” they would always nitpick on me and i’d just shut up. im a nobody. there’s always been inside of me that easily sucks out my identity and what i really am so i couldn’t be better anymore.
I often wish I was born an orphan, if at all. That way me being a wretch wont break anyone’s heart. And I too think it’d be better if another person would have been in my place. I mean out of millions of sperms, it had to be a loser like me.
There’s a way to flip the blame on your parents though, if you believe in anti-natalism.
i understand the feeling. after what happened to my sister i felt all the pressure in the world to go to college, get a job, be a normal child. little did they know i was exactly like my sister.. i was just able to hide it. when i was at my lowest i wanted to tell them but something happened to make me feel like they wouldn’t care or understand. they hated me. i was pushed to the side, i wasn’t worth their time. yet somehow i disappoint them doing nothing. nothing i do will ever be good enough.
I get the pressure to go to college, I never went to college because honestly I hoped to kill myself the day I turned 18. I’m 24 now but all I think about since I was 12 was how I was going to kill myself. I almost did once but then my attempt was cut short.
Your parents having high expectations just shows how much they believe in you, whether you meet them or not doesnt matter as much as you think it does.