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I am a 24 year old guy. This is for the first time I am writing something out of my heart so I will try my best to open up. Life has always been tough for me to be more specific it’s been one wrong decision after another. I was raped multiple times by by older cousins and others when I was a kid. I did not know what was happening, I was to young to understand or share my situation with anyone. As I grew older and realised I wanted to kill those people but I was too emotional and weak to do something like that. I fought through that feeling but it left me hurt for life. Teenage was brutal I was a introvert and was bullied all the time had a tough time making friends. I couldn’t talk to my parents abt what was happening because I always felt they won’t understand. Timed pass as I grew up, I found my refuge in art. I started acting and even started to do stand up as it helped me escape my pain and allowed to be someone else. But fate had something else in mind my parents didn’t allow me to persue acting and forced me to take up engineering. College was horrible I used to fail all the time and never felt interested. But I didn’t give up and tried hard to pass without failing a year. I managed to graduate with a low cgpa. It’s been 2 years and I have not been able to secure a job. Time is passing by and I am unable to support my family. The whole family and relatives expect me to do something great which just crushes me even more when I fail to do something. I have nothing to show for. My family won’t even let me be with the girl I love and I have to stay away from her and it kills me every day. I have been thinking about killing myself for the past few days. I have tried it in the past when I was a teen but failed twice. I am not strong enough to even kill myself. I don’t know what to do. Every day I am just being sucked deeper and deeper in this hole. I don’t think I have it in me anymore to face another rejection or another failure. I see no point in living and feel like a burden on everyone around. I don’t know how to escape this suffering.

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6 comments

rocketman 5/29/2019 - 10:31 am

Very sad, and what you have been through is horrible, but you are strong! Just surviving those thing’s is a measure of that! I’d recommend that you follow your dreams, the past is a done deal and can not be changed, dwelling on it doesn’t help moving forward, but you can change your future, you can’t please everyone so you got to please yourself, when you do that then you have the power to please other’s , you are not here to march to the beat of everyone’s else’s beat, you are here to march to your own.

Deadinside@1995 5/29/2019 - 12:13 pm

I have tried. But I am too weak to go forward or face my parents. Every time I try to face them they get emotional and it breaks my strength

LostInside 5/29/2019 - 10:44 am

You sure have been through hell and then some! And you haven’t even escaped it yet.
If you have anything left inside you maybe you should try escaping by pursuing the acting and comedy again and see where that goes.
I’m not sure the exact situation you’re in but maybe just go ahead and be with the girl you love too.

Sometimes family isn’t the best for us.

You can always find me on discord if you need.
Lostinside#5842

Deadinside@1995 5/29/2019 - 12:14 pm

Thank you ?

Deadinside@1995 5/29/2019 - 12:14 pm

Thank you ?

likeastone 5/31/2019 - 12:43 am

I am guessing killing yourself would upset your family at least as much as a girlfriend they don’t like. So why not just pick the girlfriend and enjoy yourself for once? Seems they won’t be happy in either direction so they kind of remove themselves as a variable.

And if they just give you too much grief – drop the knowledge on them that you shared at the beginning of the post. Time for them to get some perspective

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