Floating

I went to Walmart about 2 weeks ago and started trying to purchase a shotgun. I backed out because the price of it was about all the money I had left for two weeks. I don’t actually know if I’m ‘allowed’ to purchase a gun because I’ve been into the mental hospital 4 times (but I live in very stupid, shitty city and everyone at the mental hospital working was obviously near retarded) I don’t know if it was actually ever recorded but maybe it was because they did take you to trial and courts are usually good with their records. But how Walmart could spot that, I don’t know. I’ve only been to the mental hospital because of homophobics. I mean “HIV IS THE WRATH OF GOD” type people. Also the people who put me in the mental hospital sexually assaulted me as, like, idk a 7 year old. But…. oh well? All I’ve been trying to do the last 7 years is save up enough money to get a gun. I’ve only worked for a year and half but I only get paid once a month and the check doesn’t go far at all. I have purchased a shotgun before but then I was followed. I don’t know who was following me but I didn’t even purchase in public place, I just purchased from one dude. Then I went to mental hospital for the longest time yet, 28 days, where I was raped for the first time in a couple years while I was sedated on sleeping pill. After I got out I started being raped frequently. And now I’m at 162 rapes in about 2 years. Right after I started getting mysteriously raped frequently, some cops started following me and then I was put in jail 5 times in two years.

Um I still think I should try to buy a shotgun either from a private dealer or Walmart what do you think is better option? Only reason they caught me last time is because I had a rental car when I bought the gun (didn’t want to give up my only oppurtunity to get a gun by waiting until the next day when I got my car back) so I got gun and was tempted to kill my self right away no matter rental car or not instead I stayed out until morning and got rental car as early as I could and transferred gun to my owner car. So if I get the gun the only thing is I have to kill myself immediately before the demented fux come hunting me. Anyway I don’t know why the people following me are obsessed with me.. I don’t even know them so surprise that they are trying to ruin my life. I’ve been trying to kill mys of every day for 13 years. But no matter the stay at the hospital was torturous.

I know if I don’t buy a gun and kill myself immediately after I am paid I will run out of money from my check and I’ve definitely been ready to commit for the last 7 years. But Idk I can’t decide if I should buy gun from public dealer like Walmart or Cabella, big 5, sportsman warehouse, a pawn shop or from a private dealer online.. like just normal people trading and selling guns, or if I should chose another method (charcoal or hydrogen exit bag)

That’s kind of where I am at now but I am expecting to die by suicide here within the next 2 weeks probably.