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wondering.

by winniethepooh

i wonder why life isn’t fair i wonder if this is what i deserve i wonder if my happiness is too much to ask for i wonder if my sanity is unattainable i wonder if you ever wanted me i wonder if you ever loved me i wonder if you were ever proud of me i wonder if you ever saw me as a person not a problem i wonder why you went to bed after i sobbed to you on the phone i wonder why my life sucks i wonder why i am like this i wonder why i can’t be grateful for things worth being thankful for i wonder why im so sensitive i wonder why you don’t love me i wonder why i was ever born i wonder why i should stay alive i wonder what is my purpose i wonder should i even try i wonder if i am worthy of anything i wonder if anyone will ever stick around i wonder when things will change i wonder if that change will be good i wonder why i am so ugly i wonder why my brother is the favorite i wonder why my brain malfunctions i wonder if there’s a quick fix i wonder if these questions are worth asking i wonder if i am capable of being fixed i wonder if i will ever be myself again i wonder why i haven’t been myself in so long i wonder how come i keep listening to sad songs i wonder how come i get hurt at the smallest things intentional or not i wonder why i have to make sacrifices to get the bare minimum i wonder why nobody respects me i wonder why im so fucking stupid i wonder when will i die i wonder when will i learn to live i wonder if i will ever overcome my fear of existing i wonder if i will ever get better

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rocketman 5/16/2019 - 2:09 am

life isn’t suppose to be fair you make it fair! your in control, nobody is born happy matter of fact the nurse hit you on the the ass and you started crying! that’s how it works, I keep saying why wasn’t born rich instead of good looking 🙂 anything worth having is worth working for! keep it up.

LostInside 5/16/2019 - 2:27 am

Reminds me a lot of my childhood. I was 15 and asking myself all that until my head wouldn’t stop.

I left my family at 16 and endured the same pain with whom I thought were my friends for the next 2 years. Then I realized I had nothing anyway so I took a cheap duffel bag and a blanket and left town on foot. Made it all worse really but I was finally able to have some space from them all. I really just didn’t want them in my life anymore and I had no other real choices or so I thought. I should have worked hard at a job and found an apartment and just did that.

Now I get ssi and I have a bunch of other problems. I still feel like life is worthless but deep down I know I can make it better I just have to be willing to make some hard choices.

Life can get better you just need to get away to a place where you call the shots and you have resources to make something better than what you have right now.

I wish you peace my friend. I truly hope you feel better soon.

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