my mental status has shifted yet again. yesterday i had a funeral to attend, and there were many people at the synagogue to honour a truly wonderful woman. she always used to call me “pammy” and was ALWAYS kind and non judgemental to me over the years. after the service, we were instructed to go to the cemetery of the family’s choosing, but i misheard the name of the cemetery and went to the wrong one. as it turned out,the cemetery that i arrived at was where my father was buried. i chose some stones to place on his headstone, and had bought him a father’s day card with a butterfly clip attached to it. i hung out with him for a while, and returned to the synagogue for the meal of consolation. i expressed my apologies to the woman’s family, and had a few meaningful conversations with people who approached me. i left alone, and headed home. i am in the process of cutting my toxic mother out of my life, and i have been struggling. my mother was at the funeral, and it was very awkward, but i ignored her entirely in front of her friends, and a good portion of the jewish community. my son did not attend, but i am sure that i will here about my display this morning, as he left me a text to call him first thing when i wake up. in hindsight i should have been thinking about him, and that there were parents of his friends at the funeral, and he would have been embarrassed. i am getting my affairs in order, and am fighting through “THIS”. i am constantly in crisis, and i am taking things day by day. i don’t know where this is heading right now, but i am still fighting.