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by spookichick

my mental status has shifted yet again. yesterday i had a funeral to attend, and there were many people at the synagogue to honour a truly wonderful woman. she always used to call me “pammy” and was ALWAYS kind and non judgemental to me over the years. after the service, we were instructed to go to the cemetery of the family’s choosing, but i misheard the name of the cemetery and went to the wrong one. as it turned out,the cemetery that i arrived at was where my father was buried. i Β chose some stones to place on his headstone, and had bought him a father’s day card with a butterfly clip attached to it. i hung out with him for a while, and returned to the synagogue for the meal of consolation. i expressed my apologies to the woman’s family, and had a few meaningful conversations with people who approached me. i left alone, and headed home. i am in the process of cutting my toxic mother out of my life, and i have been struggling. my mother was at the funeral, and it was very awkward, but i ignored her entirely in front of her friends, and a good portion of the jewish community. my son did not attend, but i am sure that i will here about my display this morning, as he left me a text to call him first thing when i wake up. in hindsight i should have been thinking about him, and that there were parents of his friends at the funeral, and he would have been embarrassed. i am getting my affairs in order, and am fighting through “THIS”. i am constantly in crisis, and i am taking things day by day. i don’t know where this is heading right now, but i am still fighting.


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rocketman 6/1/2019 - 7:58 am

Very Sad πŸ™ , Going to the wrong cemetery is positively something I would do! I hope you feel better at least you seen your father Pammy πŸ™‚

I think this calls for a true story! Last night! I was dreaming I don’t know who these people in my dream were? But there was a jeep a man a women and me, I Liked the woman but I was helping the man tie a washing machine to this boom crane in back of the jeep so it was in the air, all the sudden he starts the engine and starts driving wreck less as he’s smiling and talking to the woman, i’m standing on the street and this washing machine is swinging over my head! So I start running! No matter what way I ran that dam washing machine was swinging over me head with in inches! I’m yelling watch it! he’s not paying attention! So I’m running looking over my shoulder at this swinging washing machine and thinking thank GOD I TIED THE KNOTS! or this thing would fall right on my head! Then I woke up in panic! realized I was dreaming and started busting up! πŸ™‚ What on earth made me dream about that??? ha ha!

Rainwatch 6/1/2019 - 8:26 am

Hi Spooki, funerals always generate an emotional response so perhaps the solemnity of the occasion provoked the shift in your mental status. As for attending the wrong cemetery, same thing happened me a few years back! Don’t fret about it. Wishing you an awesome weekend! I’ve never used the word awesome before but it seems to quite popular in American/Canadian English so I’ll apply it here. I hope your mental status shifts back to a positive position, take care!

LostInside 6/1/2019 - 10:38 am

It’s nice to hear that you are doing things for yourself. I really support that and pray that one day your son will too.

I cut my mother out of my life a long time ago and my father only hears from me here and there. Parents can make life a harsh one.

a1957 6/1/2019 - 10:01 pm

Hi Spookichick, I cut my toxic mother out of my life about 35 years ago. After 35 years it still looks like it was the right thing to do, as far as I know.

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