There is a bridge not terribly far from me I think about. It’s about 700ft to the bottom.
I have messed up myself and my life and I’m coming to realize, it’s because I’m an idiot. How does an idiot change anything?
This bridge could change it all.
6 comments
I guess we only realize we’re “idiots” after we made a mistake. I can relate to an extent. While I’ve been smart academically I made a lot of stupid life mistakes, only to realize what bad decisions they were after I paid the price for them.
I’ve gotten much wiser as I got older and as they say hindsight is 20/20. I think one of those areas I’ve been foolish is in relationships. I allowed myself to be manipulated by individuals who didn’t like me but I didn’t realize until I thought deeply about it and connected the dots in their behavior.
Had I clued in sooner I could’ve avoided a lot of anger and conflict. For instance I’ve had a rocky relationship with a close relative for decades who is known in our circle for being a very difficult person to deal with. I used to overlook her petty and occasionally belligerent behavior since we had gotten along well for a while.
Then once I realized that she was talking shit about me behind my back (she does with most people in her life) then it finally dawned on me that this relationship is irreparable and irredeemable. She had been undermining me for a long time, had taken advantage of my generosity and paid me back with destroying my reputation with others in our lives.
She had been a rotten person (it’s part of her DNA) most of her life but because she’s family most of us (other family members) usually let things slide. I really wish I had clued in much sooner, I would’ve kept her at a distance and avoided all the trouble that she caused. Anyways at least I finally figured it out and won’t ever be taken in by her or her type again.
Unfortunately I had an absentee father who was also a selfish POS and taught me nothing, so I had to learn everything from scratch. Esp some basic shit most people are aware of at an early age.
I’ve considered suicide more times I can remember but I keep going because of the things I love about life. I keep holding onto the idea that one day I will break out of the trap I’m in right now and then it’ll be ‘blue skies’ after. But I still have a lot of bs to deal with first.
We can’t discuss methods but I’d recommend doing a lot of research on the topic before you go forward because it can’t be undone. I believe there are better, safer, easier ways to go. I’m personally probably going with a bag idea since I’ve seen it worked for others.
Incidentally just because you feel you’ve made mistakes doesn’t mean you can’t learn from them and make your life better but that’s up to you.
Life is guaranteed to get worse (example: we age and our bodies fall apart).
How is an idiot going to do anything other than idiotic shit?
Life isn’t going to get better.
I also find your comment of ‘better, safer, easier ways’ hilarious and on so many levels.
I’m not really laughing though. I’m too depressed.
That depends on how old you are right now. If you’re ‘youngish’ then you still have decades ahead of you if you plan to keep going. If you’re an old man then yes your time is limited. I’m in my 40s and if my life gets much better, I’ll stick around till my 80s and then get euthanized (it’s legal here in Canada).
If my life gets really bad with no chance of improvement then I’ll definitely call it quits early. I’ve lived long enough to know that there comes a point where investing more time in a bad life makes no sense. It’s like throwing money at a losing trade (doubling-down) but then you lose it all. Better to cut your losses and move on.
I don’t believe you’re an idiot, very few people are-they’re mentally handicapped. I think most people have normal intelligence but they sometimes make bad decisions. If you’re able to recognize you made dumb mistakes and can learn from them and change then you make a better life for yourself.
I’ve had the same sort of depression you’ve had where you feel like your life is hopeless. It took me about a year or two to really get it out of my system. I thought about seriously ending my life but also about reasons to keep living. I decided to keep going for several reasons including what I mentioned above. Once I made that decision, I took action to improve my life.
I have no clue about what you’ve been through since you haven’t discussed it so I couldn’t advise you one way or another. So if you feel there are things worth living for then it’s just a matter of making changes to get better. If you don’t care to then I do understand since I’ve been there as well. It’s hard to think positively when one is depressed.
I’ve actually shared quite a bit in other posts. It’s sad to have people ignore that and still try to act as though they care.
There are many dozens of people that visit this site, do you actually think people have time to ready every single post, let alone follow your particular story?
It’s a bit egocentric of you to think anyone should pay close attention to only your life. You should be grateful that anyone takes some time out to offer any encouraging advice, unless you prefer that no one replies to your posts at all.
The sensible thing to do if you’d like feedback on a particular issue is to provide some details since obviously I haven’t read your other posts.
But if you don’t want to that’s not a problem. It’s really no skin off my nose, I try to help those who want it and if they don’t that’s ok, I have my own issues as well to deal with.
Good luck in your life, maybe having a little courtesy towards others will help you in the long run.